Chapter 4
Socialization
Asecondfunctionofdatingisthatit
presentsanopportunitytobesocializedinto
thenorms,roles,andvaluesofrelationships
withtheoppositesex.Inthisway,itis
preparationformarriedlife.Whilemany
partsofarelationshipchangewithmarriage,
datingintroducesyoungpeopletoadult
genderroles.Datingprovidesadolescents
withtrainingforadulthood(Glenn&
Marquardt,2001).
Confirmation of Social Self
Athirdfunctionofdatingisthe
opportunitytogainself-insight(Whyte,
2007).Throughinteractionswithother
people—thoseofthesamesexandthoseof
theoppositesex—wereceivefeedbackabout
ourselves.In1922,CharlesCooleylabeled
thistermthelooking-glassself,whichisstill
usedinthesocialsciencestoday.Onadate,a
manandwomanseethemselvesthrough
oneanother’seyesandcanadjusttheir
behavioraccordingly.Iftheyseeapproval,
theywillcontinuewhattheyaredoing.If
theyseeconfusion,theymightadjusttheir
behaviortowinapproval.Whendating,she
istryingtobethekindofwomanshethinks
hewilllike.Heistryingtobethekindof
manhethinksshewilllike.Thus,datingcan
becomeagamewheretheplayersattemptto
outwitoneanother,tryingtomanagethe
impressionstheygiveinordertogain
approval.
Mate Selection
Thefourthfunctionof datinginvolves
mateselection.Datinghasbecomethe
sociallyacceptablewayof findingasuitable
spouse.Datingallowspartnerstogetbetter
acquaintedandassesscompatibility.Ideally,
datingimprovesthechancesapersonwill
meetasuitablemaritalpartner(Rouse,
2002).
Dating in America
When a young man“called”on or
“kept company”with a young lady in the
eighteenth and nineteenth centuries,he
did so under rather strict supervision.
What came to be known as“dating”in
mid-20th centuryAmerica was
characterized by diminishing supervision
and increased independence on the part of
the couple (Bailey,2004).The earlier
versions of dating had as their primary
goal the selection of a suitable spouse.
That is not the primary goal today.
The Meaning of Dating Today
“We’redating”canmeanmanythingsin
Americanculturetoday.Itcanmeana
couplegoesouttogetheroccasionally,orit
canimplyacommittedrelationshipof
someduration.Itcanbethepreludetoa
formalengagementorjustawaytopass
sometime.Datingoftenmeanssomething