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Chapter 4

Socialization

Asecondfunctionofdatingisthatit
presentsanopportunitytobesocializedinto
thenorms,roles,andvaluesofrelationships
withtheoppositesex.Inthisway,itis
preparationformarriedlife.Whilemany
partsofarelationshipchangewithmarriage,
datingintroducesyoungpeopletoadult
genderroles.Datingprovidesadolescents
withtrainingforadulthood(Glenn&
Marquardt,2001).

Confirmation of Social Self

Athirdfunctionofdatingisthe
opportunitytogainself-insight(Whyte,
2007).Throughinteractionswithother
people—thoseofthesamesexandthoseof
theoppositesex—wereceivefeedbackabout
ourselves.In1922,CharlesCooleylabeled
thistermthelooking-glassself,whichisstill
usedinthesocialsciencestoday.Onadate,a
manandwomanseethemselvesthrough
oneanother’seyesandcanadjusttheir
behavioraccordingly.Iftheyseeapproval,
theywillcontinuewhattheyaredoing.If
theyseeconfusion,theymightadjusttheir
behaviortowinapproval.Whendating,she
istryingtobethekindofwomanshethinks
hewilllike.Heistryingtobethekindof
manhethinksshewilllike.Thus,datingcan
becomeagamewheretheplayersattemptto
outwitoneanother,tryingtomanagethe
impressionstheygiveinordertogain
approval.

Mate Selection

Thefourthfunctionof datinginvolves

mateselection.Datinghasbecomethe

sociallyacceptablewayof findingasuitable

spouse.Datingallowspartnerstogetbetter

acquaintedandassesscompatibility.Ideally,

datingimprovesthechancesapersonwill

meetasuitablemaritalpartner(Rouse,

2002).

Dating in America

When a young man“called”on or

“kept company”with a young lady in the

eighteenth and nineteenth centuries,he

did so under rather strict supervision.

What came to be known as“dating”in

mid-20th centuryAmerica was

characterized by diminishing supervision

and increased independence on the part of

the couple (Bailey,2004).The earlier

versions of dating had as their primary

goal the selection of a suitable spouse.

That is not the primary goal today.

The Meaning of Dating Today

“We’redating”canmeanmanythingsin

Americanculturetoday.Itcanmeana

couplegoesouttogetheroccasionally,orit

canimplyacommittedrelationshipof

someduration.Itcanbethepreludetoa

formalengagementorjustawaytopass

sometime.Datingoftenmeanssomething