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Love and Mate Selection:What’s Love Got To DoWith It??

historical and community contexts in

which these families are formed.Carter

and McGoldrick’s family life cycle stages

have been applied to the study of gay and

lesbian relationships,but not without

problems.The family life cycle developed

by Carter and McGoldrick is child-

centered and occurs in a context which

receives validation and community

support.The gay and lesbian life cycle is

typically not child-centered and receives

little validation or support in the larger

context (Slater & Mencher,1991).Other

differences reside in the process of

“coming out,”the stages of couple

development,and the stages a family goes

through when they discover their child is

gay or lesbian (Laird,2005).

Whileallofthesetheoriesofmate

selectionhelptoexplainsomeaspectsofwhy

wearedrawntocertainpeople,wearestill

leftwithquestions.Whataccountsforthe

intensityoflove?Whydomanycoupleshave

complementarytraits?Thedeeperwelookat

thephenomenonofromanticattraction,the

lessthesetheoriesofmateselectionseemto

explain.Asweusuallyfindindealingwith

theweightyissuesoflife,themoreweknow,

themorewerealizewedonotknow.

The Role of Romantic Love

If weconductedasurveytolearnwhy

peoplemarriedtheirspouses,wewould

findasthepredominantanswer,“Because

wewereinlove.”Wehavealreadydiscussed

thatnomatterhowwetrytodefinelove,a

definitionremainselusive.Thereisno

generalconsensusof whatconstituteslove.

Triangular Theory of Love.Robert

Sternberg’striangular theory of love(1986;

2000)may further our understandingof

theroleof passionatelove.Thistriangle

of love,asshown in Figure5.1,is

characterizedby threedifferent elements:

intimacy,passion,andcommitment

(1986).Although wehaveexaminedthese

The continuation/consolidation stage is where elementsearlier,tosummarize,

commitments such as marriage are made.

Figure 5.1

Triangle of Love

Intimacy

Commitment Passion

Source:Sternberg 1986.

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