Chapter 5
Choosing a marriage partner is one of
the most important decisions a person
will ever make.This decision will have
far-reaching effects on the couple,as well
as many other people—parents,children,
and friends.We often struggle with
selecting the right partner.As Christians,
we want God to be involved in our
choice of a spouse.Making the Right ChoiceAsmostof ushavediscovered,passion
hasanuncannyabilitytoaffectour
rationalthoughtandattimesourability
tohearGodclearly.So,howdowediscern
God’swillforourrelationships?
TheBalswicks(1999;2006)have
suggestedthreeguidelinesfordetermining
God’sdirectionconcerningmarriage:- ThecoupleshouldseekGod’swill
throughprayer,Biblestudy,and
meditation. - Thecoupleshouldseekwisdom
fromthosewholoveandcareabout
them—parents,familymembers,
andfriends.Thesetrustedpeople
canlendadifferentperspective,
whichcanbeinvaluable. - Thecoupleshouldseekwisdom
fromtheirchurchorarelatedbody
of believers.Thiswilladddifferent
butveryhelpfulinput.
Neil ClarkWarren,founder of
eHarmony.com,offers 10 principles for
choosing the right marriage partner.(see
Sidebar 5.3)Although these principles
have been around since the early 1990s,
they are still very pertinent today.Premarital CounselingMarriageandfamilytherapistsattestto
thevalueofpremaritalcounselingin
maritalsuccess.Manycouplesonlymanage
afewofhoursofpremaritalcounseling
withtheirpastors.However,toproperly
preparetoreapthefullbenefitsofyour
relationship,couplesshouldcommittoa
muchlongerperiodoftime(6to12
weeks)withacounselorbeforemarriage.
Premarital counseling should include
an inventory such as Prepare/Enrich or
FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple
Communication,Understanding and
Study) to measure strengths and deficits
on a number of scales,such as roles,
friends,budget issues,sex,children,A Christian Perspective
Seeking wisdom from the people who love you,as
well as your church body can help you make the
right choice regarding marriage.©iStockphoto.com/qingwa