Love and Mate Selection:What’s Love Got To DoWith It??in-laws,andfamily-of-originsimilarities.
The more similar a couple’s scores are in
these areas,the stronger the relationship,
and the more likely the marriage will be
successful.Marriage and family
therapists can help couples decide if they
are ready for marriage and,based on
their scores,how difficult it will be for a
couple to make their marriage successful.
It is much better to find this out prior to
the wedding than to wake up one
morning and wonder just what you have
done.Premarital counseling also
encourages couples to talk about thingsSIDEBAR5.3
HOW TOCHOOSE THERIGHTMARRIAGEPARTNER1.Eliminate the seven primary causes of faulty mate selection.
2.Find a person to love who is very much like you.
3.Get yourself emotionally healthy before you get yourself married.
4.Develop a clear mental image of your“perfect person.”
5.Find love that you can feel in your bones,and express it with great wisdom.
6.Let passionate love mature before you decide.
7.Master the art of intimacy.
8.Learn how to clear conflict from the road to love.
9.Refuse to proceed until you can genuinely pledge your lifelong commitment.
10.Celebrate your marriage with the full support of your family and friends.
Source:Warren 1998.As Warren points out, couples can minimize failure in mate selection by avoiding
such factors as marrying too quickly, marrying too young, not knowing your partner
well, and having unrealistic expectations of marriage. Ask yourself what kind of
personality, likes, appearance, goals, and dreams you want in a spouse, and then look
for someone with similar values.
Don’t bring “baggage” into the marriage. Make sure you are emotionally healthy
before you say “I do.” Make sure the love you feel comes from deep inside, then wait
until marriage to express the depth of your passion.
Give passionate love time to mature before you marry, so that companionate love
willhavetimetogrow.Cultivateintimacy.Itinvolvesself-knowledge,thedesiretoknow
others,and the ability to share one another’s emotional experiences.Learn how to deal
withconflict.Understandthatyoueachhaveyourownthoughtsandfeelings,youneed
to be listened to and understood,you need to be willing to compromise,and you agree
to resolve disagreements as they occur.
Be sure when you marry that you are truly ready to make a covenant to be with this
personfortherestof yourlife.Seekinputfromyourparentsandfriendsregardingwhat
they think about your marriage. They know you best and care about you and your
happiness,so they can offer wisdom about who will make you happy.