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Marriage and Family Life: The EarlyYears

Marriagetendstochangethenatureofthe
relationship.Whatwasoncecasualbecomes
legallybinding.Manyengagedcouples
declare“marriagewon’tchangeus,”butfind
thatitdoes.Communicationpatternsand
roleswhichwereestablishedduring
courtshiparerenegotiatedaftermarriage.
Manycouplesassumethatoncemarried,
Godwillthenblesstheirmarriageand
everythingelsewillworkoutfine.
Unfortunately,thismaynotbethecase,
sincemarriagesfollowingcohabitationare
morethantwiceaslikelytoendindivorcein
thefirst5years.Ofthosecoupleswho
cohabitbeforemarriage,49%willdivorcein
thefirst5yearscomparedto20%whodid
notcohabit.By10years,50%ofthe
marriagesfollowingaperiodofcohabitation
priortomarriagewillhavedivorced,
comparedto33%ofmarriageswhichdid
notinvolvecohabitation(Bramlett&
Mosher,2002).Itseemsmarriagechanges
everythingdramatically.

Changes in Self-Concept

Inthepast,aweddingwasanevent
whichbroughttwofamiliestogether,
forminganalliance.Morerecently,the
weddinghasbecomeaneventtheparents
paidfor,displayingtheirapprovaland
supportfortheirchild’smarriage(Cherlin,
2004).Acommonideafrombothof these
isthelegalandsocialapprovalforhaving
children.AccordingtoCherlin(2004),

weddingsaremovingawayfrombeinga

showof familysupportandapprovalfor

havingchildren,tobeinganindividualized

coupleevent—amilestoneindemonstrating

thedevelopmentof theirself-identities.

Weddingsseemtobemoreabout

symbolizingthecouple’spersonal

achievementsandstageof self-

developmentratherthanthefinalevent

culminatinginheterosexualmarriage

(Bulcroft,Bulcroft,Bradley,&Simpson,

2000;Freeman,2002).

Married people take on new patterns of

thinking about themselves.Marriage

presents a time of renewed identity

exploration.Who am I?Who are“we”?

How do we balance our individuality with

our oneness? Resolution of these

questions can have positive or negative

consequences or a combination of both.

Acommon,butmorenegative,way

somemenresolvethisisbyassumingan

Men more commonly than women can fall into the

trap of using work as their identity and avoiding the

emotional connection with their family.

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