Chapter 6
occupationalroleandworkingatatask
consideredappropriateforadultmales
(Zemon-Gass&Nichols,2007).Theyare
doingtherightthingsbutintheabsenceof
anemotionalconnectionwiththefamily.
Thisphenomenonledtowhatwascoined
inthe1970sbyBalswickandPeck(1971)
andstillusedtodayas“[the]tragedyof the
inexpressiveAmericanmale”.Forfemales,
thestrugglecanbemoredifficult.Itisnot
uncommonforwomentodefinetheirnew
identitythroughtheirhusbandandlater
theirchildren.Thisincompleteresolution
canbeseenlaterinthedepressionmiddle-
agedwomensometimessufferwhentheir
childrenleavehomeandtheymaynotfeel
asconnectedtotheirhusbands(Zemon-
Gass&Nichols,2007).Accordingto
Zemon-GassandNichols,bothhusbands
andwivescanexperiencethesensethat
one’sindividualityisbeingsmotheredby
theirpartner,andthatthemarital
relationshipisunfair.
Inamorepositiveidentityresolution,
bothspousessimultaneouslylearn
individuationandinterdependence—tobe
separatebuttogether—earlyintheir
marriage.Santore(2008),asociologistat
UniversityofAlbany,suggestsattachments
betweenromanticpartnerstakeplaceina
‘cultureof intimacy’.Thiscultureof
intimacyraisesthebarformarriagein
whichrelationshipssupportbothpersonal
growthandthefulfillmentof one’sspouse.
Achieving this kind of intimacy in a
marriage is likely more difficult apart
from a belief in a biblical marriage,which
supports both hierarchical and mutual
submission between a couple and God.
The Balswicks (2006) describe this as a
reciprocating process:God’s intention for marital mutuality is reached through a
reciprocating relationship in which spouses encounter their
own uniqueness in relationship to God and each other.©iStockphoto.com/4X6
Thesuprememeaningofbeingcreated
intheimageofGodisthatspouses
reflectarelationshipofunitywithout
absorption.Tobehumaninacontextof
marriageistobeaparticularspousein
relation—distinctanduniqueandyet
inextricablyintertwinedand
interdependent.God’sintentionfor
maritalmutualityisreachedthrougha
reciprocatingrelationshipinwhich
spousesencountertheirown
uniquenessinrelationshiptoGodand
eachother.Marriageservesasa
sanctifyingprocessasspousesstrivefor
unityinthemidstoftheirownunique
differences.