Layout 1

Marriage and Family Life: The EarlyYears

You sometimes see references to“his
marriage”and“her marriage.”These are
outdated conceptions which describe
marriage for a man as involving more
income,less housework,laundry,and
cooking,while marriage for a woman
involves increases in all of these.The fact
is,both spouses benefit from marriage.
These descriptions do not describe the
culture of intimacy or reciprocating
relationship discussed above.The new
patterns of thinking necessary to support
marital intimacy involve an emphasis on
knowing each other,validating each other,
helping each other,and sharing oneself,as
new roles and rules are negotiated in the
relationship.

Changes to the Relationship

Datingisfunandfallinginloveis
exciting.Whiletheseelementsshould
remaininamarriage,theyprobablywillnot
dominatetherelationship.Marriagechanges
therelationship.Marriagerequiresmuch
moreworktogetheronmundanethingslike
budgets,insurancepayments,home
maintenance,andinvestments.Romance
oftenwearsthinwhenthecarbreaksdown,
thelaundrypilesup,andbuddingcareers
requirehoursofovertime.Spousesareless
tolerantofeachotherthanwhentheywere
dating.Oneofthemajordifficultiesduring
thisearlytimeisdealingwiththe
expectationsonehadofmarriage.Each

partnerinamarriagebringsasetofbeliefs

andcharacteristicswhicharelikelytoaffect

theirfuturetogether.Coupleswhohave

similarexpectationsofmarriageandeach

otherarebetterabletoachievetheir

commongoals,whiledissimilarexpectations

cancausedisillusionmentinthemarriage

(Waller&McLanahan,2005).

Disenchantmentisinevitableintheearly

yearsofmarriage.Thefocusshiftsfrom

romancetocommitment,perseveranceand

stayingpower.

Manypeopletodayadvocateliving

togetherbeforemarriageasgood

preparationformarriage.Dataindicates

thatcoupleswhocohabitbeforemarriage

havemoremaritaldiscord,lowermarital

qualityandaremorelikelytodivorcethan

non-cohabitingcouples(Amato,Booth,

Johnson,&Rogers,2007;Bramlett&

Mosher,2002;KampDush,Cohan,&

Amato,2003;Stanley,Whitton,&

Markman,2004).Why?Onereasonis

peoplehavingunconventionalattitudes

Disillusionment is inevitable in early marriage

as the focus shifts from romance to commitment,

perseverance and staying power.

©iStockphoto.com/pixalot