Chapter 6
towardsmarriageorwhoarepoormarriage
candidatesmaybemorelikelytocohabitand
divorce(Amatoetal.,2007).Current
researchsuggeststhecumulativeexperience
ofcohabitation(morepartnersforlonger
periodsoftime),cancauseareductionin
esteemformarriageandchildrearing
(McGinnis,2003).Inaddition,menwho
cohabitpriortomarriage,reportlower
dedicationtotheirspouse(Stanley,Whitton,
&Markman,2004).Cohabitingcouplesfind
marriagechangestherelationship.Theyare
oftenunpreparedforsuchdramaticchanges,
changeswhichrequireadjustmentstotheir
communicationandbehavioralpatterns.
Cohabitingcouplesgenerallydonot
makealifelongcommitmenttooneanother.
Marriagedrasticallychangesthatbecause
lifelongcommitmentiswhatmarriageisall
about.Acohabitingrelationshipisoftenseen
astemporaryandconvenient(Stanleyetal.,
2004).Animportantaspectofcohabiting
couplesistheirdualityofintention.Some
partnersseecohabitationasafirststep
towardmarriage,awaytotestcompatibility
(Amatoetal.,2007).Otherpartnerssee
cohabitationasarelationshipwithmanyof
theperksofmarriage(e.g.,sharingexpenses,
housework,companionship,sexual
intercourse)withoutthelong-term
commitmentofmarriage(Sassler,2004).
Therefore,onepartnermayhaveadeeper
commitmenttotherelationshipthanthe
other.Thisdifferenceincommitmentisoften
attherootoflaterdissentioninthe
relationship.Incohabitation,eachpersonin
therelationshipretainsa“single”mind-set.
Singlepeoplethinkintermsof“me.”A
successfulmarriagerequiresa“we”mentality.
ThisisconsistentwithGod’sintentionfor
marriageasacovenantpatternedafterHis
relationshipwithHisbelovedchildren.God
iscompletelyfaithfultoHischildrenand
doesnotwaiverinHiscommitmenttotheir
happiness.Changes to Other RelationshipsWhentwopeoplemarry,their
relationshipswithfriendsandfamily
change.Marriedcouplesspendmoretime
togetherandlesstimewithfriends.Gerstel
andSarkisian(2006)suggestmarriageis
‘greedy’forthreereasons.Thefirstis
material.Sincemarriedcouplestendto
havemoremoney,theyneedlesshelpfrom
familyandfriendsandasaresult,giveless
inreturn.Becausecouplesspendmore
timewitheachother,theirinvestmentsin
otherrelationshipsdecrease.Thisis
especiallytruefordual-earnercoupleswho
arealreadystrappedfortimebecauseof
theirjobs.Second,becauseof theintense
emotionalconnectioncommoninearly
marriage,thereisadecreaseintheir
collectivelifewithfamily,friendsand
community.Anewlymarriedcoupleis
oftensowrappedupineachother,they
havelittleinterestinothers.Third,
Americancultureencouragesthe
expectationof self-sufficiencyinmarriage.