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Chapter 7

Family and Friends

Thebirthofachildfrequentlydistances

couplesfromtheirfriendswhohaveno

children.Thisoccursbecausethenewparents

havelessavailabletimeandarenotasflexible

orspontaneousastheywerepreviously.

Friendswhoalreadyhavechildren,despite

theirlimitedavailabletime,canbeasourceof

supportandencouragementforthenew

parents.Whencouplesfirstmarry,theyhave

todifferentiatethemselvesasacouplein

ordertoforgetheirownidentity,oftentothe

exclusionoftheirfamilies.Oncetheyhavea

child,rolesareoftenrenegotiatedtoinclude

greaterinvolvementwitheachspouse’sfamily

oforigin.

The Marriage

Theadditionof anewfamilymember

placesastrainonthemarriage.Available

timeforoneanothershrinks,family

prioritieschange,andleisuretimebecomes

familytime.Itisnotuncommontoheara

newfatherexpresssomejealousy,

complainingthathiswifecannotthink

aboutanyonebut“thebaby.”Thenewrole

of mothercanbedaunting—anever-

endingcycleof feeding,diapering,

monitoring,andcaretaking.Evenwithhelp

andsupportfromdad,anewmothercan

stillfeelanoverwhelmingsenseof

responsibility.Thefatiguenewmothers

experiencecanlastaslongas2yearsaftera

babyisborn.Thisfatiguemaylessenawife’s

responsivenesstothephysicaland

emotionalneedsof herhusband.

Researchhasshownthatthelevelof

satisfactioninamarriageresemblesaU-

shapedcurve,decreasingwiththebirthof a

child(Rollins&Feldman,1970;Olsonetal.,

1983).Childrenareonlypartlyresponsible

forthisdeclineinsatisfaction(Cowanetal.,

1985).Inchapter5of thistext,wenotedthe

levelof passionfallsoff earlyinamarriage,

contributingtoafeelingof lesssatisfaction.

Wewillexaminethemaritalsatisfaction

curveagaininchapter8.

Work and Family

The boundary between work and

family also is altered by the addition of

children.Most families experience some

financial strain with the birth of a child,

whether the wife works or not.Men,who

generally take on the socially prescribed

role of provider,seem to be more affected

The birth of a child changes relationships with both

friends and family often limiting time for friends and

increasing involvement with family.

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