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Marriage and Family Life: The ParentingYears

match reality.If the child is physically
handicapped,premature,irritable,or
colicky,parents can become frustrated and
question their parental competence.Some
babies have a shriller cry than others or
are less consolable,which certainly
challenges the patience of any parent.For
example,premature babies tend to arch
their backs rather than curl into their
caretakers when picked up.This behavior
can cause parents to find themselves
thinking the baby“does not like me.”

Gender and Parenting Styles

The parent’s gender will determine
many aspects of parenting style.
Traditionally,mothers encourage
intimacy,nurturing,and bonding,
whereas fathers tend to encourage self-
reliance.This can be seen in how parents
react,play,and talk to their children.For
instance,one physical manifestation is
how fathers are more likely to toss a young
child high in the air,wrestle,or tickle the
child; while mothers are more likely to
cuddle and nurture the child,both of
which are important for brain
development (Pellis & Pellis,2007).
Differences between parents on
childrearing practices can be a huge
source of contention.It is important for
both parents to be willing to compromise
on what they feel is right,realizing every
child is different and there is no single

“right”way to raise a child.The Bible

affirms this principle in the original

language and meaning of Proverbs 22:6:

“Train a child in the way he should go,and

when he is old he will not turn from it.”

The implication is that parents are actually

called to study and discern a particular

child’s way in his or her relationship to

God (what Proverbs defines as“fear of the

Lord”) and the world.With the founding

biblical premise that every human is

designed to be in a right relationship with

God,the question becomes not so much

“What is the right way for every child?”

but rather“What is the way this particular

child should be going in his or her walk

with God?”

Of great importance,parents should

never disagree on parenting practices in

front of the child.These kinds of

disagreements need to take place in

private,so as not to undermine the

authority of either parent.One of the

most effective parenting tools is a“united

front,”especially as children get older.

Ethnic Variations

Earlierweexplainedthatethnicand

culturalheritageisoneofthebiggest

determinantsofparentingstyle.Ingeneral,

authoritativeparentingisapredictorofgood

psychosocialoutcomesandfewerproblem

behaviorsinallAmericanethnicgroups

studied:African,Asian,European,and