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Marriage and Family Life: The Middle and LateYears

Core Task: Communication

Essential to a lasting marriage is

communication,which involves sharing

oneself with another person,as well as

desiring and being willing to work to

understand that other person.(Conway &

Conway,2001)Because married life in the

Nichols’third stage can be so hectic,the

couple’s normal communication practices

often suffer,especially if good

communication patterns were not

established earlier in the relationship.

Intellectual and emotional sharing

between spouses is an important core task

of the middle years.Life exerts a

centrifugal force on couples and families,

seeking to pull them in different

directions.Good communication can

prevent a family’s ultimate disintegration.

Across the board,marriage and family

therapists report they rarely,if ever,see

couples seek marital counseling who

already have good communication skills.

Is this coincidence or an indication of a

key element to marital success?

Core Task: Conflict/Compromise

Couplesinthemiddleyearsmust

continuetoreconcileboththeirpersonal

andmaritalneedsastheyattendtothecore

taskof communicationandconflict

resolution.Atthisthirdstageof the

Nichols’maritallifecycle,menandwomen

seemtogoindifferentdirections

psychologically.Thisispromptedby

childrenmovingoutof thehouseandthe

resultingshiftinenergyandfamily

dynamics.AccordingtoCarterand

McGoldrick(2005),itisnotuncommon

formenatthisstagetofeelalackof

intimacyintheirmarriage;thus,theymay

turntotheirwivesorchildrentomeettheir

needsforcloseness.Atthesametime,

womenoftenexperienceanewfreedom

associatedwithnothavingchildreninthe

home;theymaywelcomeopportunitiesto

pursuetheirownindividualinterests.This

createsanimbalanceof needswhichcan

leadtomaritaltensionoreventodivorce.

Overtheyears,mostcoupleshaveworked

outtheirpatternsof conflictresolution.

However,withsomecouples,even

Christiancouples,onepartnermayfeelthe

balancehasbeenunequaloverthehistory

of themarriage.Thisspousemayeither

insistthingschangeorphysicallyor

Communication, sharing oneself and desiring to understand

the other person, are essential to a healthy marriage.

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