Marriage and Family Life: The Middle and LateYearsHeightenedpower strugglesfrequently
definetheparent-childrelationshipas
children becomeadolescentsand
ultimately leavehome(seeFigure8.1).
Adolescenceisthetimewhen children
experiment with their own identities.
Their identity undergoesdifferentiation
through therebalancingof self (identity),
aswellasself (identity)in relation to
others—primarily parents.Simultaneously,
parentsnot only dealwith their
adolescent’sstrugglefor identity but often
areinvolvedin their own midlifeidentity
crises.Children pulltowardindependence,
whileat thesametimefearingtotal
responsibility for themselves.In the
confusion,parentssometimespullin the
reignstootightly or let gotooquickly,
allowingmorefreedom than thechildis
ready tohandle(Kroger,2004).
In chapter 7 we learned adolescence is a
creation of the 20th century.As the age of
first marriage has continued to climb,the
period of adolescence has lengthened.
These 21st century children have adult
bodies,drives,desires,beliefs,and abilities
long before they achieve true adult status.
This upward shift in age at first marriage
is important to the understanding of
middle-years families,since children’s
marital status affects so many other areas,
such as childbearing,housing needs,jobs,
economic independence,and relationships
with parents (Wuthnow,2007).Is it any
wonder the early-middle-years family is so
often under stress?
Later-Middle-Years Family Dynamics.
During the later middle years of family
development,children are recognized as
adults by their family,whether by virtue of
age,marriage,or having children of their
own.It is essential for the parent-child
relationship to change at this point.This
period marks an equalization of power
between parents and children.It also is a
period of differentiation,in which adult
children separate from their families of
origin and reattach as an adult member of
the extended family.However,parents do
not want to be completely isolated from
their adult children.The degree of life
satisfaction for parents generally improves
when children maintain frequent contact
after moving out (Newman & Grauerholz,
2002).
As their children enter early adulthood,
parents can either step back,supporting
and commending their children’s
independent decisions,or they can
continue to operate a parent-child power
struggle,wondering why their adult child
continues to crave parental affirmation.In
The Blessing, an adult child runs beside the
stretcher of a parent who has just had a
heart attack—desperate for affirmation
from the dying parent—desperate to hear
these words:“I am proud of you”(Smalley
& Trent,2004).As Smalley suggests,this
blessing is as important to us today as the
birthright was to the eldest son in the Old
Testament (see Genesis 25).