The more we come to know another
person—the closer we get to one another—the
greater will be our potential for disagreement.
The more intimate our relationships become,
the more intense our conflicts will be.The more
deeply we love someone,the more we can hurt
and be hurt.
Although it is inevitable, conflict does not
have to destroy relationships. We can resolve
and manage conflict by controlling our
reaction to conflict. The act of resolving
conflicts actually can help couples build up
their relationships and draw them closer
together.
In this chapter, we will review basic types of
familial conflict (conflict as it relates to
families). We will then focus on constructive
conflict management, offering important
recommendations for effective conflict
resolution. We will also examine how
destructive conflict negatively impacts families,
offering strategies for survival and change.
Understanding Conflict
Couples cannot avoid conflict, but each
spouse can decide how to respond. Will the
couple allow conflict to destroy their
relationship or will they use conflict to build a
stronger relationship?
Some couples claim they never have any
conflicts.This should raise a warning flag.If
spouses never disagree,do they truly know one
another? Are they truly communicating? Are they
avoiding conflict by changing the subject? Does
one simply give in to the other without
discussion? Avoiding conflict or denying its
existence is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
When conflict results in argument and
violence,it isdestructive conflict.Destructive
conflict involves disagreements which are
negatively resolved.People who use conflict
destructively use the tactics of avoidance,coercion,
or violence (Cox & Gunn,1999).
Constructive conflictmeans the parties
involved disagree according to the rules of fair
fighting. This results in deeper communication
and resolution. Often, too, couples who work
out their conflict constructively strengthen
their relationships (Cox & Gunn, 1999).
Sources of Conflict
As a family increases in complexity (e.g.,
number and ages of children; stepfamily;
complicated work and activity schedules), it
becomes more susceptible to conflict.
Conflict in Families
When conflict results in argument and violence
it is destructive conflict.
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