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Chapter 12

Strategies for Victims of Domestic Violence

An important first step to solving the

problems of family violence is to identify the

victims and the abusers. Because the family

so often is private, many of these victims

suffer in silence, isolated from people who

can help. They often hesitate to report family

violence because the most common second

step after identifying victims and abusers is

to separate them.Victims are often very

reluctant to separate themselves from their

abusers, even when their well-being is

endangered. The victims would rather live

with the abuser than face an uncertain

future away from the family. The cultural

expectation in our society is children need

a mother and father and should not be

separated from them.Victims often

underestimate the severity of their situation.

Thus, a big part of convincing victims to

leave is to provide them with a safe

alternative situation.

Many agencies will help victims adjust

to a new lifestyle. Survivors of abuse need

people who believe in them and who will

help them find the resources (education,

housing, jobs) they require to survive on

their own. They need to be loved and

accepted for who they are apart from

their marriage.

People who experience the death of a

loved one go through stages in the grief

process. The battered person also goes

through stages before making the final

decision to leave an abusive relationship.

In explainingbattered person syndrome,

the Family Social Services Administration

(2002) describes the four psychological

stages the battered person experiences:

Victims of abuse often offer excuses, refusing to

believe there is a problem. They often

feel the abuse is their fault.

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1. Denial:Victims will refuse to believe
   there is a problem and may offer
   excusesfor the violence.They may
   call each incident an“accident”and
   believe it will not happen again.


2. Guilt:Victims acknowledge a problem,
   but feels it is their own fault.If they
   would only act a certain way,the
   violence would not happen.They
   believe they somehow“deserve”to be
   beaten.


3. Enlightenment:Victims recognize the
   abuse is wrong but stay committed to
   their relationships.They will remain in
   the abusive situation,hoping they can
   work things out.


4. Responsibility:Victims will make the
   decision to leave the relationship and
   take responsibility for their own lives.
   At this stage,it is important for the
   victims to have a support system
   which will empower them to take
   control of their lives.