Impact on Well-Being of Adults.Just as
children experience turmoil during a
divorce, so do adults. Many adults report
divorce is the most intense emotional
period they have ever experienced.
Following the separation, anger, rage,
hurt, betrayal, and extreme loneliness
persist for many months, lessening only
with time. Many authors cite the pain and
anger parents experience during and after
a divorce as one of the major reasons
children experience rejection—parents
are in so much pain and anxiety, they just
can’t focus on their children’s pain
(Cherlin, 1999, 2002; Hetherington &
Kelly, 2002; Wallerstein & Blakeslee,
2003). Adults often are tempted to jump
quickly into another relationship to ease
their pain. While this decision may help
temporarily, the results are most often
disastrous, because rarely do these
relationships last.
The Effects of Divorce on Family Dynamics
Not only do parents divorce each other,
but they also, in some respects, divorce
their children. One of the primary effects
of divorce on children is the deterioration
of the relationship between the child and
at least one of the parents, and sometimes
both. In part, this is due to the self-
absorption parents experience during the
divorce process. Divorced mothers, despite
their best intentions, are less able than
their married counterparts to attend to
the emotional needs of their children.
Mothers are often so overwhelmed
emotionally their childrearing practices
suffer. They vacillate between harsh and
permissive parenting styles. Mothers also
can become emotionally dependent on
their children, placing their children at a
disadvantage.
Noncustodial divorced parents are less
likely to have close relationships with their
children than parents in intact families.
This is especially true for noncustodial
parents of younger children, who are more
likely to drift away from regular contact
with these young children. While more
fathers are gaining custody of their
children today, custodial fathers still
represent only a small percentage of single
parents—16.9% compared to 83.1% of
custodial mothers (Grall, 2006). While
noncustodial mother stereotypes exist—
think of what goes though your mind
when you think about a noncustodial
mother—there are by far more stereotypes
surrounding noncustodial fathers simply
because there are so many more of them.
Divorced Dad Stereotypes.Ahrons
(2004, p 96-117) offers some interesting
ideas regarding divorced fathers. She
categorizes them into three stereotypes
(caution: remember stereotypes are
generalizations and do not hold true for
all or even most):Divorce and Remarriage