Chapter 13
Mothers are often accused of restricting
the visitation of fathers, which may be a way
mothers, consciously or subconsciously,
contribute to these stereotypes. For
example, a mother might restrict visitation
as punishment for lack of child support or
for revenge. Unfortunately, little or no
contact with the noncustodial parent
increases the damaging effects of divorce on
children. Research confirms children do
best when they have continued contact with
both parents, as long as there isn’t high
conflict between the ex-spouses
(Bauserman, 2002).
Mothers can also be deadbeats. In fact,
the percentage of mothers who do not pay
child support is actually slightly higher
than the percentage of men. According to
the U.S. Census, in 2005, 43.1% of
mothers who are ordered to pay child
support pay some or all they owe, while
47.3% of fathers pay some or all of what
they owe (Grall, 2007).
Adolescent and Grown Children.The
ability to get along with peers is a social
skill necessary for a happy family life,
social life, and workplace life. Parental
conflict accompanying divorce can
jeopardize a young adult’s sense of
competence, leaving the young adult to
feel emotionally immature (VanderValk,
de Goede, Spruijt, & Meeus, 2007). In
adolescence, all young people struggle
with feelings of inadequacy, but this
intensifies when parents divorce. Children
of divorce view marriage differently than- Disneyland dadsare fathers who use
recreation to engage children,in place
of providing real parenting.Ahrons
points out the logistical difficulty of
fathers who live a distance from the
child and who do not have access to the
child’s belongings and toys.This limits
fathers (or noncustodial mothers) in
what they can do with their children.
The noncustodial parent,usually the
father,seeks out fun and exciting
activities to do with the child; hence,
the term“Disneyland dad.” - Deadbeat dadsare fathers who do not
pay child support.Ahrons suggests
unemployment or financial difficulties
related to maintaining a separate
household,as well as meeting child
support,are major challenges for these
fathers. - Disappearing dadsare fathers who
disappear by moving away,
remarrying, cohabiting, or focusing all
their attention on a new home, new
family, or new relationship. This often
occurs because of continuing conflict
and litigation between the couple. The
disappearing dad can also experience
chronic feelings of guilt and loss
because of the limited time he can
spend with his child. It is sometimes
easier to avoid contact with the
children than to deal with the feelings
of guilt and loss they have while with
their children.