Layout 1

Divorce and Remarriage

This mutual commitment is promoted as
the long-term foundation for marriage and
family life, with benefits both for spouses

and children. Sidebar 13.2 offers ideas for

what couples can do before marriage to

improve their relationship and to prevent

SIDEBAR13.2

Preventing Divorce

• Commit to the marriage. Decide in advance that divorce is not a choice. This forces the couple
  to work out any difficulties in a different way.


• Make sure your expectations are appropriate. People often go into a marriage thinking they
  can change the other person. In truth, the only one we can change is ourselves. If you can’t
  accept the way your spouse-to-be is today, don’t get married.


• When problems seem overwhelming, get outside help. All marriages can benefit from
  counseling. Difficult marriages can be saved. Many churches offer marriage counseling or
  references to good counselors. Divorce is more expensive than counseling.


• Consider the cost of divorce. Divorce is financially draining. Think about all the costs involved,
  such as attorney fees, two homes instead of one, child support, and spousal maintenance.
  Financial costs are not the only consideration. Another cost of divorce is the heartache on
  everyone involved—especially the children.


• God tells us He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). God’s ideal and desire is one man and one
  woman“until death do us part.”Remember that marriage is a vow, and not honoring that vow
  disappoints your family and friends, as well as God (Numbers 30:2).


• God’s goal for each of us is to mature and become more like Him (Ephesians 4:13). God put
  your spouse into your life, so it is important to be accepting of his or her flaws.


• Honor and respect your spouse above yourself. Work on meeting your spouse’s needs even
  when you don’t feel like it or he or she does not deserve it. Making the first move toward an
  unloving spouse can be hard, but your spouse will usually reciprocate. Remember that feelings
  follow actions, so acting loving will bring about loving feelings.


• Preventing divorce is best done before marriage. Premarital counseling can help you prevent
  marrying too quickly, not knowing the other person well enough, or not being ready for the
  commitment of marriage. Make sure you can say that divorce is not an option and mean it—
  that you are willing to do whatever it takes to work out your differences.


• Before considering divorce, consider all the consequences to yourself, your spouse, and your
  children. Don’t make hasty decisions based on emotions. Seek out help from family or friends.
  Remember, counseling from someone trained in marriage and family therapy can help.


• Marriage involves a great deal of work, patience, and commitment. Marriages that are on
  track can also be the source of incredible joy and satisfaction. If you are struggling in your
  marriage, don’t give up. Continue to ask God to give you the strength, wisdom, and
  encouragement you need.
  Source:Houdman, Matthews-Rose, Niles, eds. 2002–2006. Used by permission.