Stepsibling relationships can be difficult
and create conflict. Often children reside in
one household and visit another. This has
been referred to as a“revolving-door family.”
The difficulty for children is they are always
on the move—they lose a sense of
permanence in any one place. In addition,
when nonresidential stepsiblings come to
visit, chores change, routines change, rules
sometimes change, and an expectation of
sharing can be uncomfortable for children.
Loyalties take on a unique place in
stepfamilies. Children often are
unconsciously resistant to their
stepparent’s attempts at a relationship,
fearing this would demonstrate disloyalty
to their other biological parent. This is
difficult for stepparents to understand
when they are trying so hard to develop a
relationship. Children often fiercely defend
an absent or intermittently absent parent,
while becoming angry with their custodial
parent and stepparent. It is as if they feel
they can be angry at the parents they live
with because they are secure with them,
but fear getting angry at an absent parent
for fear that parent might go away for good
(Carter & McGoldrick, 2005; Ganong &
Coleman, 2004).
Boundaries.Establishing clear
boundaries is essential in stepfamilies.
Because children belong to two different
families, the boundaries around the
stepfamily can become fuzzy, which can
lead to anxiety and confusion. A
stepfamily needs to experience its own
separateness before it can experience a
comfortable relationship between parents
and stepparents in the children’s two
households (Carter & McGoldrick, 2005;
Visher &Visher, 1988). Boundaries are a way
of communicating the“rules of the house”
and indicating who is included in the family.
For example, boundaries communicate how
the new family will handle dealing with ex-
spouses,hischildren,herchildren,our
children, grandparents, school conferences,
and holidays, to name a few (Stewart, 2007;
Visher,Visher, & Pasley, 2003). Once
boundaries are established, spouses and
children alike feel more comfortable in
otherwise uncomfortable situations
(Ganong & Coleman, 2004).
Finances.Finances are a struggle for
most newly married individuals.
Stepfamilies are no exception and actually
can find finances to be more challenging.
The financial picture for most stepfamilies
is brighter than for either family before
the marriage because of the combined
income. However, some challenges do
exist. The financial arrangements made at
the time of divorce may seem unfair and
unreasonable to either spouse in the new
marriage, creating anger and a fertile
battleground. Spousal maintenance and
child support may result in a lower
standard of living than would otherwise
be possible. A husband may be hesitant to
share financial matters with his new wife,
especially if he feels his previous wife took
advantage of him. Women who haveDivorce and Remarriage