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families. As a result, they may learn to be
more tolerant of people. Stepchildren can
learn firsthand about different lifestyles.
They can also learn important
interpersonal skills from this experience.
Many stepchildren may become especially
sensitive to other’s emotional states because
they have been intimately aware of their
parents’ feelings during the difficulties of
divorce.

A Sense of Belonging

Stepfamilies can bring a source of
comfort and belonging to children. After
going through the difficulties involved in
divorce, children often experience
loneliness. Following an initial adjustment
period to a new stepfamily, the addition of
people in the child’s life can decrease this
loneliness. The child has more to do and
more people to do things with (Olson &
DeFrain, 2006). Children from
stepfamilies tend to be more autonomous
and independent than children in intact
families. Following a divorce, they may
have been expected to do things which
were not required of them prior to the
marital breakup. Children often take great
pride in this achievement of
independence. Long before their peers
from intact families are able, children in
stepfamilies can contribute tangibly to the
well-being of their families.

Seeing the Family as a Reinvestment

Stepfamilies often represent a

reinvestment.Adults have the opportunity to

learn and grow from past mistakes, and all

family members can benefit from lessons

learned. Following a divorce, people are

usually keenly aware of the fact they must

work at relationships to achieve success. If

they carry this sense into a second marriage,

they will commit to working at building a

family in which everyone can flourish. They

will push themselves to communicate better,

be more open to emotional risks, and be

more willing to enter unknown territory in

order to create a nurturing environment for

their children, stepchildren, and new spouse.

Stepfamily members often have a greater

sense of valuing those around them. This is

useful in navigating the complex waters of

life. Developmentally, children do not learn

to value those around them until their late

teens or early adulthood years. Children

who experience divorce and remarriage,

however, can learn early how to value those

around them. This is an important

relationship tool which will carry over to

their young adult and adult relationships.

Building Trust

Trust is essential in working out the

challenges the new stepfamily will face. It

takes time and effort to overcome the

ghosts seeming to haunt the new family.

Divorce and Remarriage