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Building Strong Families

Gifts especially tailored for a person are
an excellent way to show appreciation. It
does not have to be a big thing. Give your
daughter a charm for her charm bracelet.
Put batteries in your dad’s flashlight. Slip
some new crayons in your kid sister’s
backpack. Make a gift certificate for your
wife: “This certificate entitles the bearer to
one back rub upon request.” These are
personal, uncomplicated ways to
demonstrate affection and appreciation.

Treat Family Like Company

Home is often thought of as the place to
flop down and chill out. Family members
have the“privilege”of seeing each other
without makeup or combed hair. However,
good manners and common courtesy can
demonstrate that someone matters to
you—even if it is“just”family.
An old song says “You Always Hurt the
One You Love” (Roberts & Fisher, 1944).
Does this have to be true? Instead of
taking our family for granted, what if we
treated them like “company?” Imagine
how appreciated family members would
feel. What if weaskeda family member to
do something, instead ofdemanding?
What if wethankeda family member who
passed the butter, instead of just grunting?
What if we asked for a family member’s
opinion and then actually listened to the
answer? What if we avoid that all-too-
familiar sarcastic edge to our comments?

Positive Communication

It seems natural to say communication is

a key to strengthening families—or any

relationship, for that matter. How to make

communication positive is the challenge.

Strong families communicate in positive

ways, expressing their thoughts and feelings

authentically, and listening attentively to the

thoughts and feelings of others. Strong

families communicate intimately—they

share their fears, their hopes and dreams,

their joys and sorrows, their experiences,

their needs, and their growth. Not only do

theytalkabout these things, but they take

time tolistenandrespondto each other

(DeFrain & Stinnett, 2002; Olson &

DeFrain, 2006).Virginia Satir expresses the

keys to good communication:“The greatest

gift I can receive from anyone is to be seen

by them, to be heard by them, to be

understood by them, and to be touched by

them”(1976, 1).

When someone takes another’s side and

really understands the person, something

Soalso,thetongueisasmallthing,butwhatenormous

damage it can do. A great forest can be set on fire by

one tiny spark.

—James 3:5 TLB

A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings

of silver.

—Proverbs 25:11