Building Strong FamiliesSpeak Clearly
While it is important to be honest in
what you say, you do not want to be rude.
Be sure to exhibit tact and concern for
everyone’s feelings.
Use“I”messages when sharing your
thoughts and feelings.“I”messages will help
you take responsibility for your thoughts
and feelings, without criticizing or making
incorrect assumptions. This allows the other
person to listen without getting defensive.
Here’s an example of how to use an “I”
message with clear communication:
Be specific. No one is a mind reader.
When things are left for interpretation, they
are often perceived incorrectly. Avoid using
words such asneverandalways—they are
rarely correct and put the other person on
the defensive. Try focusing on a specific
issue, rather than on the other person. For
instance,“You are always late”becomes“I
am upset you were late getting home,
which made me late for my meeting.”
When the family has a problem, make
kind and helpful suggestions. Avoid
criticizing another’s actions without
providing an alternative action. This
prevents the person from feeling
frustrated and helpless.Learn to ListenListening is one of the most powerful
ways to express love to another person. The
goal of good listening is to hear, understand,
and accept the other person’s feelings and
views. It is important to note that
acceptance doesn’t mean you necessarily
agree with the other person, only that you
have listened closely enough to understand
what the other person is trying to say.
Understanding another’s point of view
means you avoid lectures. Lectures cause
people to tune out the speaker or become
defensive.Listening is a gift we give to those we care about.© Jupiter Images“I feel [insert feeling] when you
[comment on what the other person
is doing which makes you feel this
way] because [suggest a reason why
you might feel this way, such as,‘My
mother used to call me lazy when I
did not get things done’]. I need [tell
the other person what you need
from him or her right now].”