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several organizations offer in person or online for as little as
$40, up to $1,000. The lessons are as scientific as they are
emotional. Depending on the courses, which can span weeks,
prospective doulas typically learn how to identify end-of-life
stages. They study the 10 most common terminal illnesses
and their leading or unique symptoms. They learn the physi-
ology of how the human body works, the order in which or-
gans usually shut down. Some courses focus on how to care
for a terminally ill child, while others teach doulas simply
how to talk to families.
Death doulas often work in tandem with hospice work-
ers, who are authorized to give pain-relief medication, treat
wounds, monitor vitals, and assist in other clinical tasks that
the doulas aren’t qualified to do. But death doulas, who are
usually less restricted by work schedules, step in to fill the
emotional voids, says Michelle Thornhill, 52, who has been
a death doula for 12 years.
They can help write farewell letters or stockpile memos
to surviving loved ones for milestones they’ll miss, such as
weddings , birthdays, and graduations. They can listen to
someone’s life story for hours on end or hear about their
proudest moments and worst mistakes. “I hear stories that
maybe they’ve never told anyone before,” Web says. “I hear
stories that may never be heard again.”
Upon request, death doulas can make sure Whitney Hous-
ton is playing in the background, fill the house with scents
of Christmas cookies at the moment of death, or find new
homes for pets that will be left behind.
In June, Shook says, she helped a woman find a loving
new family for her two cats, which was instrumental in giv-
ing her peace. Before the woman entered a hospital for the
last time, Shook bought her stuffed animals that looked just
like the felines, so she’d have them near as she died. “It’s very
human to want to nurture and support somebody through
any type of suffering,” says Shook, who is also a volunteer
hospice manager in northern Michigan.
To free up family members to focus solely on their dying
loved one, death doulas can help make funeral arrangements
and handle other logistics. In Pennsylvania, Thornhill spends
six days a week caring for her 101-year-old client, Estella
Stackhouse, who has dementia. She also supports Stack-
house’s granddaughter and primary caregiver by creating
care checklists and meal schedules, crafting responses to
people who call and text, and limiting the granddaughter‘The gift of time is what
makes doula work so
special and so meaningful.’
—ANGELA SHOOK, NATIONAL END-OF-LIFE DOULA ALLIANCE