Kundalini and the Art of Being ... 11energy was clearly changing over time, and I was changing along
with it. Although the power of this force hadn’t really altered, my
experience of it certainly had. I was beginning to see that this was,
indeed, a healing process I was experiencing. Something beautiful
was going to come out of this—like an oak tree coming out of an
acorn. Much had to be cleared and transformed to make room for the
more complex entity—and the acorn had to be patient, as it allowed
the mighty oak to grow from within it.
After two-and-a-half months at Ananda, I came to a rather sudden
conclusion: it was time for me to move on. Though I greatly appreci-
ated the support and stability of the environment there, I realized,
as my symptoms changed and evolved, that the profound intensity
of my own process was quite different from that of the gentle daily
routine at Ananda. I came to realize that their focus was more on the
higher, “upper-chakra” spiritual realms—through prayer, affirmation,
visualization, reflection, and meditation. Their yoga was relatively
subtle compared to John’s intensive class in Eugene, and they seemed
to frown on anything that might be considered “primal.” It was very
different from the path generally recognized at the Rainbow Gather-
ings, for example, which I found to have more balance between the
upper and lower spiritual realms, and more emphasis given to the
feeling, intuitive, sensual, passionate, spontaneous aspect of the hu-
man spirit.
Kundalini is (as is hopefully fairly evident) a very intense, primal
force. And the practices at Ananda weren’t getting to the heart of the
healing work that I needed. I was simply on a different path. I began
to feel that I would be held back in my spiritual evolution rather
than aided by staying there much longer. Although the security, good
food, good music, kind people and pleasant spiritual routine were
hard to leave behind, I simply realized that I needed more room to be
myself and more room to follow my own heart and my own unique
path.
Following their Christmas celebrations, I packed up my few boxes
of belongings and said goodbye to everyone I had met there. They