14 ... Gabriel Morrisbe. Their approach seemed disingenuously positive, focused more
on a presentation of righteousness and enlightenment, than on the
experience of spiritual discovery unique to each individual. My own
intention was that of balancing both the positive and negative forces,
rather than acknowledging only the positive as acceptable in the eyes
of God.
Kundalini awakening in particular is, as I’ve tried to vividly illus-
trate, not an altogether positive experience. Much of the process is
frightening, painful, frustrating, full of despair and undeniably down-
cast and negative. Trying to focus purely on the uplifting and posi-
tive energies and disconnect from the negative—through meditation,
visualization, affirmation, prayer or other means—will serve only to
put off connecting with and processing these challenging energies of
the so-called “lower self.” Of course, these more mental practices can
be very helpful, if in practicing them the intention is to find balance.
But purely choosing, asking, or commanding oneself to be healed, in
my experience at least, does little to actually heal oneself in the long
run. The energetic imbalances that we seek to resolve need direct
contact that acknowledges them as valid, rather than pushing them
aside as negative and undesirable. Ascending into the crown chakra
can be little other than an escape from the very real feelings of fear
and hopelessness that lie deep in our soul. To bring love and heal-
ing to these emotions, and eventually to evolve them, one can’t just
glance at them and then look the other way; they have to be fully
experienced and truly validated.
It didn’t take long for me to let go of my expectations of settling
down in Sedona; although the traumatic experience did stay with
me for a long while afterwards. But after we dropped off Gabriel the
hitchhiker, I did my best to simply move on and forget about Aquar-
ian Concepts. It clearly wasn’t the place for me.
After breakfast at the health food store, Natty, Apollo and I stopped
by some of the local bookstores and came across a flyer for a musical
jam session at sundown. We decided to check it out. That evening,