Kundalini and the Art of Being ... eventually, this can’t go on much longer.” Yet, even as I was tell-
ing myself this, the force of energy was increasing. Whatever this
disturbing power was that I had somehow brought into my con-
sciousness, it seemed it wasn’t going away any time soon. The brief
moment of peace and comfort I’d experienced during my meditation
felt now like a fading mirage of some kind—a calm before the storm,
a temporary stillness before the harsh and chaotic reality set in.
Finally, I got up from the floor, where I’d also been sleeping the
past few weeks, and began pacing back and forth, wracking my brain
to make sense of what had just happened. My rational mind tried to
come up with a plausible explanation for my sudden predicament. I
went over what I had just experienced—a ball of energy moving up
my spine while meditating that then flowed into my brain. I came to
the conclusion that there must be some sort of bodily fluid residing
in the spine, that wasn’t supposed to be anywhere near the brain.
Somehow I must have released this fluid, causing it to flow into my
brain, creating a chemical reaction of sorts. Although this flimsy ex-
planation managed to calm me momentarily, it did nothing to alter
my painful psychological symptoms.
Since it seemed that I wasn’t going to be falling asleep any time
soon, I put on some warm clothes and left the apartment to go for a
walk and get some fresh air. I hoped at least to distract myself from
whatever it was that had just occurred. It brought me some relief just
to get out of the cramped apartment, but when I came back to the
apartment and sat down at the dining room table, I realized that my
symptoms had not diminished. My physical activity seemed to have
increased the flow of energy coming from the base of my spine, further
intensifying the painful sensations within both my body and mind.
Sitting down and trying to relax increased my discomfort as well, as
my mind instinctively focused on the source of the pain, desiring to
alleviate it but, instead, giving it more power by its attention.
I had a fiery sensation at the base of my spine. I felt that I had to
stay continually focused on holding down this fire. I was afraid that
letting it rise freely would mean receiving more overpowering energy