10 ... Gabriel Morrisexperienced a moment of panic as I remembered that I had a job at
a nearby deli and I might be late for work. The moment of relief I
felt after calling in—to find that I wasn’t working until the next eve-
ning—was little comfort, as it left me with the dilemma of what now
to do with myself through that evening and the next day.
I went for a long walk in the evening air. I came back later that
night to find Amy there, already asleep with the lights out. I crawled
into my sleeping bag on the floor and closed my eyes. Once again, I
tossed and turned for hours, unable to relax. Finally, I fell into a few
hours of fitful sleep.
I awoke to the morning light dawning through the curtains. As
before, my tormenting symptoms descended on me rapidly as I came
back to waking consciousness. I also felt a deep exhaustion with
hardly enough energy to get out of my sleeping bag. I gathered the
strength to get up from my spot on the floor, put on some clothes,
and eat half a bowl of cereal. I was unable to finish it, however, be-
cause the simple act of eating seemed to be the cause of disturbing
electrical sensations throughout my mouth and throat that scared
the appetite right out of me. I left the apartment and spent another
day wandering aimlessly around Austin, praying constantly for relief
from my situation, or at least for some understanding of what I could
do to alleviate my distress.
That evening, I had to work my shift at the deli. Given my pre-
dicament, I wasn’t sure how I would tolerate spending eight hours
making sandwiches and cordially ringing up orders for customers. I
decided at least to show up and give it a try—perhaps it would help
bring me back to normalcy. If it didn’t, I would come up with an
excuse to leave.
The physical surroundings at work that evening—the bright lights
and plastic surroundings—greatly magnified my already distorted
perceptions. After a few hours of somehow performing my duties, I
started feeling totally overwhelmed due to both the unnatural envi-
ronment of the restaurant and the necessity to hide everything that
I was experiencing internally. I was literally beginning to feel as if