Kundalini and the Art of Being ... 1“Wow—yes, that is a little expensive,” I said, as I thought to my-
self, “a thousand bucks to maybe find out what’s wrong? I can’t be-
lieve this is happening!” Tears were beginning to form, as I pondered
my aggravating dilemma. Why in the world was I creating this real-
ity? What was the lesson here? What was it all leading up to?
“Well, I’ll have to think about it,” I told the nurse. Of course, I
didn’t want to take a risk with my life—but neither did I want to run
up a bunch of bills if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. I decided instead
to trust in the universe, and hope that I wouldn’t die inexplicably that
night of heart failure. I walked out of the hospital and made my way
through the darkened city streets towards Amy’s apartment, praying
that I would be all right.
Amy was gone when I arrived. My heart seemed to have calmed
down a little during my walk, though my mind was still running wild.
Everything I’d experienced the last few weeks and months seemed
to be flooding my consciousness, threatening to overwhelm me with
sensory overload on all levels. I wanted to yell out loud in frustration,
cry in anguish, moan, wail, and grieve. I wanted someone there to
talk to about everything, someone to help me sort out this bewilder-
ing experience. But instead I felt a gaping darkness opening up all
around and within me that seemed beyond explanation or reason.
Would I ever find the peace that I desired? Was this all there was to
my life, after years of digging within, expecting to find a jewel of real
value? Where was the happiness that I had been trying to create all
this time? What could I do from here that would somehow be an im-
provement in my life? Had all the searching I’d done up to this point
been completely useless? If so, then what was the point in living?
But I knew that death wasn’t really an option. My desire to live
and enjoy life was much too strong. As difficult as things might be at
times, I was still thankful for all I’d experienced in my twenty-two
years, and I knew that I had plenty to live for. I desperately wanted
to find inner peace and happiness and be able to move on with my
life. And I realized then that I had to leap right into the depths of
everything that I was feeling, rather than try to escape it. I had to