suspension, or a rude remark. By the time the parent reaches the office
of the administrator, she will be quite angry, feel she has been given the
runaround by the staff, and think no one wants to help her or her child.
The school leader who is himself a parent will better understand her
feelings. When a child tells a parent that he has been treated badly, the
parent has the most primitive of automatic responses: protection of one’s
young. This situation has not been helped by a sensational press that
makes headlines out of the dumb things done by a miniscule minority of
teachers and administrators, making it sound like all educators are uncar-
ing and unfeeling.
How can the school leader defuse such a situation? First, he sees the
parent immediately, regardless of what he is doing. To make the parent
wait and fume longer will only add fuel to the fire. The leader person-
ally escorts the parent into his office, introduces himself, and offers her
a chair. He does not use his desk as a barrier. He sits in front of his desk
in a chair directly facing the parent and then asks, “How can I help you?”
He lets the parent talk without interruption, allowing the parent to vent her
anger and frustration.
Once the parent has spent this anger, the school leader can begin the
meeting: “Thank you for coming to see me. I need to understand the prob-
lem better. I am going to take down some information so I can help you
and your child.” On a 6 × 8 index card, he writes down basic information
he elicits from the parent: her name, her telephone number, the best time
to call, the name of the child, and the name of the teacher involved.
He takes notes as the parent describes the problem. Periodically, he
repeats what is said to be sure he understands the parent. The parent will
be calmed when she sees that the administrator is making a record of the
complaint, a sure indication that she and her problem are being taken
seriously.
The school leader concludes the meeting by explaining that there are
many sides to every incident. Most parents are already familiar with the
old adage that there are at least three versions of every story: one side,
the other side, and the truth. The administrator explains that the parent’s
child has given one side, but he needs to investigate further. He may talk
directly with her child and with other appropriate staff members. He may
also talk to other students who were present at the time of the reported
incident.
14 Chapter 2