Having reached some sort of agreement with the parent, the truly com-
petent administrator asks a potentially dangerous question: “What do you
want me to do to solve this problem?” If all he has done so far has had
the desired effect, the parent is now calm and speaking as a rational adult
rather than a parent in the protective mode. In most cases, the parent will
tell the administrator to do what he thinks is fair to all. Yes, sometimes the
parent will say, “Fire him!” The administrator will then have to explain
the disciplinary procedures he has to follow.
The school leader who uses such strategies will find that most parents
leave his office satisfied that he will investigate as promised. They will
trust that they will receive a report by the next day. The parent will not al-
ways get the result she wanted, but if she perceives that the administrator
tried to be fair to everyone involved, she will accept the result. The school
leader’s final clincher is to give the parent his private line phone number
and ask her to call anytime in the future if there is another problem; he
will personally handle the matter.
The index card is a useful tool for the new school leader. Experienced
principals keep index cards in a “problem file box” right on their desks,
or have an e-file with the same information kept electronically. If the new
school leader does the same, after a year she will discover that a relatively
small number of parents come to see her. In a typical school, fewer than
3 percent of the students will have an index card. Most cards will docu-
ment one incident, but a modest few will document multiple incidents
and meetings. Usually, those students will have large files in the dean’s
office as well.
The school leader will see this same convergence with staff members.
Most of the complaints she receives will concern the same few staff
members. In some cases, either she or another staff member with special
expertise needs to speak with these teachers about better ways to cooper-
ate with students and parents. Sometimes, it is useful to ask the union
representative to do this. This makes the discussion unofficial while at
the same time conveying to the teacher that the union may not be able to
successfully defend inappropriate words or actions.
In New York City, a relatively recent chancellor’s regulation on “ver-
bal abuse” took the judgment of the principal out of some situations and
brought in outside investigators. Teachers who make inappropriate re-
marks to students could find themselves without a job.
Don’t Exacerbate; Defuse 15