The Basics • 87Art Helps to Face What’s Inside: LAURIE (38)
Laurie, a woman in her late thirties, had seen four therapists prior to giving treatment one
more chance. She announced from the beginning that if it didn’t work, this was her last such
effort; she would just have to accept the feared “fact” that she was incurable. Her therapy,
which began as twice weekly and became a four-times-per-week analysis, turned out to
produce more inner change than she had first imagined possible. Art, however, was a loaded
issue from the first. Laurie was openly resistant, saying that she feared making a fool of
herself, a common concern among adolescents and adults. Over time, we wondered if her
negativism was a disguised form of oppositionalism—that is, “You can’t make me!”
In addition, we began to think that perhaps it was not so much that Laurie feared expos-
ing her lack of skill, but rather that she feared what she would “see” inside of herself. Her
many anxieties—about things like public speaking, doctor visits, and examinations—espe-
cially those that penetrate beneath the surface, like x-rays or mammograms—all seemed
related to a fear of what was inside being made visible, of being “exposed.”
This particular anxiety was clearly at work when she produced her first doodled drawing
during the second year of treatment. She had recently confessed that she liked to doodle,
a creative way of “binding” or containing her pervasive anxiety. But Laurie was so self-
conscious about being watched that I offered to leave the room, and did so briefly. After she
had finished and showed the drawing to me, I was impressed by the skillful linear design
she said was typical.
When she looked at it, however, and was asked if it reminded her of anything, she replied
with shock that it looked like a “witch,” and an evil one at that (A). She then confessed that
she was sure that she was really bad at the core, and that this frightening image, which she
titled “It’s My Fault,” reflected an ugly truth. As time went on, Laurie disclosed her secret
conviction that she had “powers,” giving her a feeling of control in relationships. When we
discovered that this was a grandiose fantasy—born of her helplessness in the face of two par-
ents traumatized by the Holocaust—she understood it in a new way. Sadly she complained
that she was “losing” her “powers,” and at first felt even more vulnerable.
Although there were few drawings during the rest of our work, there were many refer-
ences to the witch inside. Her appearance had been vivid and memorable to both of us, and
helped Laurie to see how her fantasized “powers” had made her feel so dangerous—“It’s all
my fault.” As she slowly accepted and understood the rage of the frightened child inside her,
Laurie found the loss of her “powers” to be a source of relief.
Over time she was able to be more understanding about her terrorized parents’ inability
to calm her, and to accept her own rage as reasonable for a little girl. It had been magnified
by her imagined “powers,” which she was able to give up as the witch inside was gradually
replaced by a more balanced sense of herself as both good and bad.
Although overtly pessimistic about therapy and herself, Laurie harbored magical fan-
tasies, which emerged during the final phase of our work. One, for example, was that if I
would only metaphorically “bop her over the head,” that would cure her. Just as she had
gradually accepted her own and others’ limitations, so she came to terms with the limits of
psychotherapy and the “powers” of the therapist. Laurie had a wonderful sense of humor,
which helped her to bear her disillusionment, and she eventually felt considerably better.
Art Offers Unique Possibilities for Expression
By creating art people can say things that are impossible in words, such as representing dif-
ferent times and places in the same pictorial space. These can be simultaneous, as in what