Previews • 23continue with something that felt right and constructive, allowing it to unfold in its
own way and its own time.”Seven Months Later, She Wrote ... Speaking of filling up the time, the art has to be watched.
It has been so satisfying, is so “safe,” that it can be counterproductive. There is a genuine
desire to share what has been happening with Judy, my sense of excitement and pleasure.
Certainly an unexpected consequence, that the art would emerge and develop in this way,
take on a life of its own. Assuming it must be satisfying for Judy too, to have opened such
a door under these circumstances, to see the art unfold and flourish. A very small artistic
territory, but one that seems to be teeming with activity and satisfaction for me.
And Then, Three Months Later, More on the Art ...
• Rereading what I wrote earlier about the art, glad that I captured the experience
then. Because it has been evolving, feels different now.
• Feeling then that it was art rather than art therapy, certainly true on the surface.
But recognizing now that it has also been art therapy, on many levels. Most impor-
tant has been the sense of the “art as prototype,” that it has symbolized much that
is important about me, in therapy as in life.
• The sense that I needed to “deliver” in some fashion with the art, the need deriving
both from my increasing commitment to therapy and from my recognition that this
was Judy’s domain, an important part of her life, so that non-delivery would have
been very troubling, that possibility undoubtedly producing some of the energy
that has fueled the art from the beginning. A sense that I needed to make it “work,”
to meet both of our needs ... And if I had to do it my way, I had to do it well, so that
our mutual needs could be met.
• Of course, just as it has been with my mother, with my adolescent struggle for iden-
tity. I had to forge out my own path, during a turbulent adolescence. The struggle
was worthwhile, ultimately meeting both of our needs, Judy having served as mid-
wife to the creative offspring, having had the opportunity to watch it develop, at
least in its infancy. A scenario out of an analytic case study, so I have delivered on
that level too ...
• A much stronger proprietary sense now, of “my things,” instantly recognizable
as they emerge ... the continuing recognition of the small artistic territory that I
inhabit, but also a sense of its sufficient expandability, that it will be as large as it
needs to be, as I explore my personal artistic landscape.And During the Termination Phase ... As I write about the art, for probably the last time
in therapy, feeling the connection with termination. A sense of impending loss, an empty
space, where the therapeutic alliance has been. And the art a bridge ... And now with Judy,
taking the art with me as I prepare to depart, leaving the writing in case it can be of use.
Feeling enormously thankful for the therapy, for the art, both having enriched my life in
unexpected ways ...
It has been a fascinating and satisfying artistic journey for me, at a time when my journey
in life was filled with pain and turmoil. As Judy has been the midwife for the artistic process
for me, I seem to have served as the midwife for the art. Because it really has seemed to have
a life of its own from the beginning, needing room to emerge and define itself, to unfold and
evolve, resisting my efforts to intervene and transform. The process has seemed much like