Over the years, with encouragement from wonder-
ful teachers, I have found that, rather than blaming
yourself or yelling at yourself, you can teach the
dharma to yourself. Reproach doesn’t have to be a
negative reaction to your personal brand of insanity.
But it does imply that you see insanity as insanity,
neurosis as neurosis, spinning off as spinning off. At
that point, you can teach the dharma to yourself.
This advice was given to me by Thrangu Rinpoche.
I was having anxiety attacks, and he said that I should
teach the dharma to myself, just good simple
dharma. So now I say, “Pema, what do you really
want? Do you want to shut down and close off, do
you want to stay imprisoned? Or do you want to let
yourself relax here, let yourself die? Here’s your
chance to actually realize something. Here’s your
chance not to be stuck. So what do you really want?
Do you want always to be right or do you want to
wake up?”
Reproach can be very powerful. You yourself teach
yourself the dharma in your own words. You can
teach yourself the four noble truths, you can teach
yourself about taking refuge—anything that has to do
with that moment when you’re just about to re-create
samsara as if you personally had invented it. Look
ahead to the rest of your life and ask yourself what
you want it to add up to.
Each time you’re willing to see your thoughts as
empty, let them go, and come back to your breath,
Teachings for Life and Death 121