of compassion; anything you could think or feel is
worthy of appreciation.
This teaching was powerful for me; it stuck. I
would find myself in various states of mind and vari-
ous moods, going up and down, going left and right,
falling on my face and sitting up—just in all these dif-
ferent life situations—and I would remember, “Bud-
dha falling flat on her face; buddha feeling on top of
the world; buddha longing for yesterday.” I began to
learn that I couldn’t get away from buddha no matter
how hard I tried. I could stick with myself through
thick and thin. If one would enter into an uncondi-
tional relationship with oneself, one would be enter-
ing into an unconditional relationship with buddha.
This is why the slogan says, “Abandon any hope of
fruition.” “Fruition” implies that at a future time you
will feel good. There is another word, which is
open—to have an open heart and open mind. This is
oriented very much to the present. If you enter into
an unconditional relationship with yourself, that
means sticking with the buddha right now on the
spot as you find yourself.
Because it’s a monastery, there’s nothing you can
do at Gampo Abbey that’s fun, unless you like to
meditate all the time or take walks in nature, but
everything gets boring after awhile. There’s no sex
there, you can’t drink there, you also can’t lie. Occa-
sionally we’ll see a video, but that’s rare and usually
Abandon Any Hope of Fruition 141