Simplify, simplify
HENRY DAVID THOREAUSummary
People form 90 percent of their opinion about you in
the first 90 seconds. Nonverbal signals have five
times more impact than verbal signals. In particular,
your appearance communicates. The way you are
dressed dictates how others respond to you.
You cannot not communicate. No matter what you
do, or don't do, you broadcast your emotional state.
Everything is body language—tone of voice, clearing
our throats, rubbing our eyes, crossing our arms, tap-
ping our toes, touching our nose—everything except
the words we say.
Only clusters of gestures are reliable. Single, indi-
vidual gestures are not.
WHO'S WHO
A genuine person is nervous and excited when
meeting you. Genuine people are somewhat awkward
and childish no matter how hard they try to be cool
and relaxed.
Rapo and Cavalier players want sexual gratifica-
tion without emotional involvement. Their trade-
mark—poised and relaxed instead of excited and nerv-
ous. Sharply dressed, attractive, smooth talkers are
practiced experts.
Openness is sincerity because the speaker, or lis-
tener, has nothing to hide. Doubt the words of anyone
whose feet are not flat on the floor and steady. The
liar often moves his hands toward his mouth or eyes
Summary^179during or immediately after the lie. Talking from be-
hind a wall of hands indicates lying or being extremely
cautious with his choice of words.
Actions speak louder than words.
Believe what people do, not what they say.
SIGNS OF INTEREST
Joanna was lovingly stroking the long stem up and
down, up and down. Women, don't hesitate to use this
powerful signal to tell the man he's doing just fine.
Men, the equivalent is to run your finger slowly around
the rim of your glass.
Women, if you are interested, break off sustained eye
contact by looking down before looking away. This your
first act of submission and the first sign of reassurance
that he will not be hurt if he comes over and talks with
you.
Frequency of eye contact, the more the better.
Amount of time she, or he, holds your gaze, the longer
the better. How she breaks off eye contact, down before
away is great! Shine of the eyes, the brighter the better.
Direction of body, toward you, good, away, bad. Overall
posture, erect and alert are good. Tilt of head, vertical is
bad, increased tilt is great. Where the drink is held,
high in front as a barrier, that's bad. Hand activity,
clenched, squeezing or pinching is bad, open, caressing
or stroking is great.
FINDING
Do not try to find him, or her, any place where peo-
ple try to meet: bars, clubs, spas.
During courtship, subconsciously, all of us tend to
adopt the same posture as the person we are inter-
ested in. When man teases or plays, consider it fore-
play. Free-spirited women of all ages also play to initi-
ate courtship.
Acknowledge her, or him, every time you have the
chance. Say "Hi," nod and smile on your way to, or
from, the rest room, bar, kitchen or pool. You're just
being friendly. These "Hi's" are first conversations.