(^80) BODY LANGUAGE SECRETS
wants to know, "Is this guy a real man, or what?"
As explained in Courtship Tactics For Men, com-
ing up, few women respect, or are attracted to, men
who take crap. They see it as a sign of weakness and
an indication they already have you.
But, it's always necessary to show interest. How-
ever, you must maintain the appearance of aloof-
ness, otherwise she'll get around to you after she's
tested the guys who do not chase her.
In bars, nightclubs, spas and other pick-up situa-
tions, a woman tests you almost immediately. In
other settings, she might begin testing during the
first conversation but usually waits until the second
or third conversation.
She starts out by pretending not to be interested.
You must prove your sincere interest. If you persist,
mildly but briefly, she's convinced, for the moment,
at least.
A conversation or so down the road, she wants to
find out if you're a real man, so she rejects you gen-
tly to see how you handle it. If you get angry, she
figures she's already got you, The End. You also fail
when you act like a hurt, little boy. To prove your
worth, you must react like a man. Walk away
calmly and quietly as if it is no big deal. Do not
utter a word. The unspoken message you send is, "I
was slightly interested, but no longer."
She must come to you after this happens, or you
must wait for time to pass. How much? Depends. On
what? How good you are at reading her body lan-
guage, her mood and her real motives.
Rejecting you strongly is her way of avoiding a
situation she can't handle or you came on too strong.
Then again, she may think you're a jerk. It happens
to us all.
Move on, but take time after your ego heals to
review the entire scenario from start to crash-and-
Reluctance, Resistance and Tests 81
burn. Think about what you did wrong. Think about
what you could have done differently. Want a guess?
Before I get into that, take this side trip with me.
ASIDE ON SUBCONSCIOUS LEARNING
This is for both sexes. Want to learn from
your mistakes? Want to make certain you don't
commit the same errors again and again?
Immediately after you screw up, write down
everything you did correctly and everything you
did incorrectly. Later on when you can be truly
objective, review your notes. Figure out what
you wish you had done or said instead of what
you did. Write that down beside the goof up.
This technique makes it easy for your sub-
conscious to prevent future mistakes of the
same kind. It now knows what you're supposed
to do in that situation because you told it!
I can vouch for the unbelievable power of
this technique, taught to me by my shrink and
mentor, Nathaniel Branden, in 1975. It works
during courtship, job interviewing, asking for a
raise and all other pressure situations includ-
ing dealing with difficult relatives, associates
and friends. Now back to what might have gone
wrong before we took this side trip.
Okay, what happened? A guess. You frightened
her or offended her. A second guess. You violated
Meeting Commandment I. Remember what it is? If
not, you're doomed to get shot down again and
again. For a refresher, flip back to Commandments
Of Meeting.
PRESSURE OR PERSISTENCE
Directing and controlling her desire to be per-
suaded by you is an ever-present fear of the conse-
quences. At the same time, she loves the excitement
of the moment. If you don't offend her or scare her
away, she wants more. But, it must be at the pace
nancy kaufman
(Nancy Kaufman)
#1