108 BODY LANGUAGE SECRETSIT ALWAYS BEGINS WITH A TOUCH
We were raised in a culture where touching is
generally unacceptable. If you doubt this, notice how
we behave in an elevator!
The point is, during the early stages of a date, the
two of you must get used to touching each other, but
it must be done gradually.
In the unwritten courtship rules of our society, it
is not proper for a man to touch a woman for at least
ten minutes. Then, his touch must be socially appro-
priate so that his real purpose is disguised. For ex-
ample, he can ask to see her heirloom ring, then
gently touch her hand, ever so briefly, as he admires
the ring and talks with her about it's age and origin.
But, the same unwritten rules say it's okay for
the woman to touch the man almost immediately,
however, she must also be socially appropriate so
that her real purpose is disguised. For example, a
woman can put her hand on a man's hand or wrist
under the pretext of getting his attention or she can
reach out and feel his tie if she says at the same
time, "Nice! Quite different."
Caution! Men, if you try too hard not to touch
her because you don't want to appear inappropriate,
she may feel unattractive and rejected on a subcon-
scious, possibly even a conscious, level.
TOUCH AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE
Women, if you like him and the way things are
proceeding, touch him early and often. Then as
things continue, you can increase or decrease the
pace and intensity of the arousal simply by touching
him or withholding your touch.
Men, she must get used to the feel of you. Touch
her at every socially acceptable opportunity from the
first moment. Each time you touch her, she is able
to subconsciously judge your worthiness and attrac-
tiveness.
Dating 109Help with her sweater, admire her bracelet or
necklace. (Careful Buddy!) Pat her on the back for a
great joke or other excuse. Help her put on, or take
off her coat, take her arm as you open the car door
and gently guide her, "accidentally" brush her hand
as you give her the menu. Don't be obviously trying
to touch her! That puts you in the Dirty Old Man
category instantly.
EBB AND FLOW
A successful date (she is being persuaded) has a
rhythm to it. Anticipation, excitement and arousal
come and go. They intermingle with pleasant re-
laxation and enjoyable conversation, which, in turn,
are replaced by anticipation and arousal.
EXCHANGE SIGNALS
When the pace is correct, the signals that both
people send are ever-increasing interest, readiness
and excitement. As she is more fully persuaded, the
woman gradually grows more submissive and the
man gradually becomes more dominate.
From the woman's point of view, she must be pre-
pared to signal the man to slow down if he's coming
on too strong. At the same time, if he's persuading
her, she must project arousal and excitement mixed
with coy resistance.
From the man's point of view, he must nonver-
bally project confidence, power and dominance ex-
cept when reassuring her. As always, he must main-
tain The Right Attitude.
Remember, this is a situation in which your ego
can get destroyed in less than a heartbeat. You can
be humiliated for weeks by a few choice words or
even a look. Thus, during it all, both man and
woman need to interweave signs of reassurance.
WHAT TO WATCH OUT FOR
The key nonverbal signals a man must be on