Body Language Secrets A Guide During Courtship & Dating

(^114) BODY LANGUAGE SECRETS
nice I mean considerate, polite, open, vulnerable,
giving, attentive, appreciative, warm, accepting,
gentle, demonstrative and expressive with my affec-
tion, and such.
During the early aftermath of my divorce I found
women to be unappreciative, even offended by my
inclination to be nice. I was shocked and disap-
pointed.
I soon learned that nearly all women find this
behavior unacceptable in any male. There have been
a couple of wonderful exceptions but even those
women resisted being treated well at first.
Meeting someone nice disorients her. I don't know
if she thinks it's too good to be true. I do know many
women saw me as a wimp and lost respect, as well
as interest, quickly. How do I know? Because I got
tired of striking out and asked in simple English,
"What did I do wrong?" Good old feedback.
Here are some possibilities. She's been treated
poorly for so long by Daddy, her boyfriends and her
ex-husband that it seems normal, manly. Or, she's
been catered to for so long she's tired of it. Daddy
spoiled her. Jimmy adored her. Her ex chases her.
She wants you to "act like a man." Then again, she
may be like many people who perceive nice as weak.
A WOMAN'S VIEW ON 'NICE'
This letter is by 22 year old Hillary Heinz, Eu-
gene, Oregon, in response to an advice columnist
asking why women put up with abysmal treatment
from boyfriends.
Although I swore I would never put myself
through the torture I saw several friends go
through, I broke up with several wonderful
(nice) guys to obsess over an unattainable jerk.
Then I clung to a guy who was nicer to strang-
ers at the bus stop than he ever was to me.
When I finally found the incredible guy I'm
On Not Being Too Nice 115
with now, I was sure it wouldn't last, because
he was "too nice to be interesting," Fortunately,
I was so exhausted from years of trying to
make the wrong guys love me, I relaxed and
gave him a chance to show me how remarkably
intelligent, likable and lovable he is, how much
fun we could have together—and how nice it
was to be happy for days, weeks, months on
end.
And then the real reason for the "nice guy"
problem occurred to me: I actually caught my-
self thinking, "He's nice to me, but he's nice to
everybody! How will I ever know he loves me?"
Then I realized that young women don't want
to be treated like dirt. They want to be treated
nicely by guys who aren't nice—guys whose
only reason to be nice would be that they were
compelled to change by their love for that spe-
cial girl, thus providing her with coveted proof
of her lovability.
Take a look at nearly every trash novel. The
hero is a heartless rake or a villain who only
because of his overwhelming love for the hero-
ine changes his ways. It's a popular fictional
approach to relationships, but it never works in
reality, because the guy never changes!"
This is the best explanation I've ever come
across. It matches my experience. It rings true. Who
knows? Who cares? Too nice does not work in the be-
ginning and for an unknown time thereafter.
ONLY COMMODES ACCOMMODATE
Being accommodating is absolutely the kiss of
death. You know, adjusting your schedule to hers,
agreeing to see the movie she wants after a minor
tiff, changing a lunch date because her girl friend is
in town.
As stunningly stupid at it sounds, some of them