© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.BASIC PSYCHOLOGICAL PRINCIPLES ................................................................................................1
PAIN/PLEASURE......................................................................................................................................
This is the ultimate human motivational mechanism, and the most basic. Everything you
learn in this course is based on this one principle. If there’s one understanding about our mental
processes that you absorb, it’s this:
People seek those things that give them pleasure,
and work to avoid those things that cause them pain.When stacked beside each other, we are more motivated by the fear of pain than the
promise of pleasure. There are many reasons for this:
o We understand and believe in the consistency of pain more than that of pleasure.
For instance, you know touching a hot stove will cause you definite pain, but you
don’t know for sure that a given action will always produce pleasure.
o Pain is hardwired at a basic, instinctual level, and pleasure is a more rational
construct.
o Pain is more potent and vivid, while pleasure is more diluted.
o Pain is more universally understood; we define pain in very similar terms, but
pleasure is very subjective and discretionary. This probably evolved from the fact
that pain can be a threat to survival and had to be recognized and responded to
quickly.For some, the loss of pleasure is pain, such as in the case of addiction and addictive
personalities – and most definitely in relationships. Something to remember is that in today’s
society, most people’s tolerance to pain is extremely low.
Sex and the relationship drive is the only case where I think pleasure returns to any
primal status and gets on an equal footing with pain, and in most cases become two heads on
the same serpent. Here is one place where the promise of pleasure (the touch of a woman’s
body, catching her eyes) can pull on you with equal force with the threat of pain (loneliness,
rejection.)
Your goal is to use this principle to bring more pleasure to both you and the women you
date. You never willingly use a threat of pain, since this is implied in the absence of the
pleasures we offer. A woman will know that to turn down your offer of a fun, exciting date is
stupid, and she will not risk your giving that pleasure to another woman.