© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.exciting) time for dating couples, and the least understood. Now it’s time to strip away some of
that camouflage and show you what’s going on underneath.
THE BIG TRAP...........................................................................................................................................
The biggest psychological hurdle for you to overcome with yourself is the desire to jump
into a steady, consistent relationship. As men, our nervous systems are tuned slightly different
from women’s. Women derive enjoyment from the rollercoaster ride of their emotions. They feel
fully engaged and alive when they are experiencing ecstatic highs and lows in their emotional
spectrum. Men, on the other hand, enjoy smooth waters. We derive our satisfaction when we’re
on a very level course, with little turbulence.
What this means to you is that while you are in a hurry to find a decent woman you can
have a smooth ride with, she’s not looking at the same picture. She sees the potential for pain in
risking her heart to you. True, she wants monogamy – one man – but she’ll go at her own pace.
Men and women are on two different timetables with respect to relationships.The Big Trap that I’m referring to is that you are in a hurry to get into a steady
relationship and out of the dating cycle for the wrong reasons. This trap presents itself most
often to the guys that date infrequently or tend toward monogamous behavior. (Women are
subject to this trap, also.) Those that are comfortable playing the field and dating many women
- as I preach to you to do – do not suffer from this syndrome.
You want to get out of the wild turbulence of the dating ‘scene’ so that you can establish
one woman in your life. There are many reasons men slide into immediate monogamy roles,
and an incorrect understanding of female expectations is one of them. Another reason men
move too fast is that guys don’t like the ambiguity and having to wonder every day if they’re
going to get any sex. If they really understood how much opportunity there is out there in the
singles world, they wouldn’t be in such a hurry to lock in their options.
Here’s what happens when you fall into the trap: Your mind is conditioned to
consistency, as I discussed. As you date, you find yourself excited by meeting new women, but
with a lack of understanding, your misses are much more frequent than your hits. This leads to
discouragement. You start really doubting yourself, and your self-esteem takes a hit. LoserBoy
starts talking to you more frequently, telling you how beating your head against the wall is good
only so you can feel better when you stop. Then you feel more negative about the process. You
stop being able to improve your technique because all you see is failures. You swear off dating
for a while, often with a hidden animosity toward women. After all, the singles scene is vicious,
isn’t it?
Or, you date for a short while, and you settle for someone who doesn’t thrill you, but at
least isn’t running away. Over time, your discontent grows subconsciously as you realize that
you’ve settled for less than you desire or deserve. She gets needy and clingy, and you pull
further and further away.
This is another of those downward spirals, and it usually runs in cycles. You go through
the cycle, and try again, almost always with a mindset of “I can’t wait to get out of this scene.”
This attitude sabotages you, since you are programming yourself with a desire to avoid the very