© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.psychological comfort as well. We start to hem in our behaviors to keep risk down and safety
up. We don’t do things we think might jeopardize our sense of comfort.
Unfortunately, our comfort zone is also directly impacted by one word, the word we most
dread when asking for what we want, which is why so many people stop asking after a while.
The word is “No.”
Rejection .............................................................................................................................................
We’ve been conditioned since we were kids to hear the word “no” and think of it as a
rejection. The ironic thing is that when we were kids, we were the most persistent. Ever seen a
kid asking his mom for something at the store? “Please?” No. “But mommmmm!” No.
“Please???” They’re the best salespeople ever, just watch one at work. Beating down the
objections until they get that pack of gum they want. After a while, though, when we don’t get
what we want, we get emotionally attached to the rejection, as if the No meant “No, you don’t
deserve it. You’re not good enough for it.” When we’re told no, we fail to let go of that child part
of us that says that the denial is some kind of evaluation of us.
This is really a form of narcissism (also covered later in “Poisonous Women”). When you
stumble on the street, you feel a blush of embarrassment because you think everyone was
watching and is laughing at you. The Truth is that hardly anybody is paying that much attention
to you or anyone else. They’re all too busy worrying about the same things you are – if
someone saw that their fly was open, or that zit on their forehead. You might find this a bit
depressing; after all, everyone wants to feel like they’re special and valued. Again, the Truth is
that it is liberating knowing that all those reasons you have for feeling
afraid/ashamed/embarrassed are really a self-created illusion.
Congratulations! You are now free to do what you need to get what you want. Rejection
is a response you will have that assumes that there is something wrong with you, when you
should be assuming that the problem is with her – or there is no problem at all. If a woman
rejects you, and you know that your behavior is in line with the Three S’s, you should assume
that it is her issue. She just saved you the pain and effort of having to cut her free later.
Some women do not want what you have to offer, or will just not take a chance on letting
you even show them. The Truth: If she isn’t interested, you can’t make her. Move on.
Why do men insist on getting hung up on the one they can’t get? For the same reason
that playing hard to get works – because men and women both respond to a challenge. Build up
a callous so that the occasional rejection will have absolutely no sting to it whatsoever. Let go of
the ones that don’t want what you’ve got.
Detach Yourself from the Outcome ....................................................................................................
A final step in overcoming your fear of interacting with women is dispelling the notion
that there needs to be a specific outcome for it to have been worthwhile. Most guys go into
every female interaction expecting the whole progression laid out in front of them: And next I