© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
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Drinking too much – (and then talking too much): You can meet for a beer at a
pub, but you should only have one or two drinks (remember: Restraint!) The problems of having
a few drinks are mostly with the impairment of your judgment. It’s tempting to “loosen things up”
by having a few, but it’s a slippery slope. Dating is tough enough sober, why would you make it
any more difficult? One or two drinks are enough to lubricate the conversation and relax both of
you. Any more distorts the situation.
Trying to sell the next date too early: You want to increase the mystery of your
rendezvous. When things go well, most guys start asking her out for the next time before this
meeting is over. You want to end the date well, get a kiss, and tell her nothing! You don’t hint or
say that you’ll call her. You don’t say, “Let’s get together soon.” Just say, “I had a great time,”
and then leave. For the next couple of days, you want her wondering if you’ll be calling her or
asking her out again. What she doesn’t know will only help you. Don’t try to pin her down to
several dates just to satisfy your insecurity.
Moving too fast: SLOW DOWN. If there’s one mistake guys make when they’re with
women is that they move way too fast. They haven’t had any sex in months, and now they think
they can hurry the next woman along so they can either get a score, or get on to the next one.
Impatience shows a severe lack of self-discipline.
There’s a joke about two bulls standing up on a hill overlooking a herd of grazing cows.
One bull says to the other, “Hey, let’s run down there and have a couple of those ladies!” The
other bull smiles and says, “Let’s walk down there and have them all.”
Moving too slow: If you do not take progressive steps toward demonstrating your
romantic intentions, she will lose attraction since you won’t be demonstrating self-confidence.
The longer you wait, the worse the situation gets. At some point, she will call a time-out and give
you the line about wanting to just be friends. Romance has an expiration date, and you don’t
want it to go bad on you. Always move forward toward your next romantic goal with her.
Not relaxing: Don’t be hyper and visibly uneasy. If you aren’t relaxed, you’ll convey
nothing but nervous desperation, and she’ll be repelled. Women aren’t attracted to manic, hyper
men. Take some time before the date to relax and let go of your anxiety and expectations. I find
that I’m most relaxed meeting women after I’ve worked out. I’m at ease, the endorphins are in
my bloodstream, and my overall confidence is higher. Try that for a relaxation therapy. Overall,
the more women you meet and date, the more you’ll relax.
Acting too needy and clingy: Frequently on dates, men and women are too focused
on what the other one is doing and saying. The man tends to hover around the woman too
much, showing that his ability to feel good and happy is dependent on her experience of the
date. Back off enough to let her breathe. Cast your interest somewhere else during the date, like
talking with someone nearby, or just let a comfortable pause enter the conversation. Pauses are
especially tolerable if you are smiling and look secure with yourself. If you’re in a shopping
environment, don’t be afraid to walk away and have her come to find you.
Going too long when things are good: You must end the date. You have to have
the self-discipline to end things on a good note. Again, many guys keep her out too long when