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Leila HudsonSouth AsiaVisiting each other during the day, when hus-
bands and children are at work and school, is a
common practice for housewives of urban upper-
middle classes in contemporary South Asia. In fact,
this practice dates back many generations, and was
prominent amongst the women of the Muslim
intelligentsia in pre-partition India as well, as refer-
enced in many women’s novels of the time, such as
those by Mastoor (1952), Fatima (1993), Shah-
nawaz (1957) or Chughtai (1995). Here, as in con-
temporary urban life, such visits serve as a source
of bonding for the women, who drop in informally
at neighborhood homes for a cup of tea and biscuits
around 11 a.m. (before lunch time), as well as an
opportunity to exchange neighborhood gossip,
particularly on the topics of love, marriage, and
childbirth.
Then there are the mayungatherings, when
women relatives and friends of prospective brides
meet at the home of the bride-to-be every evening
for several weeks prior to the wedding ceremony.
These informal gatherings are an opportunity to
tease and prepare the bride on how to become a
proper “wife.” They also afford older women with
marriageable sons a chance to scout out prospec-
tive daughters-in-law from among the unmarried
eligible girls participating in the song-and-dance
festivities during this mayunperiod – when the
bride-to-be is also supposed to be in seclusion from
all male relatives and the outside world in general,
confined to the home and also restricted to wearing
yellow-colored clothing, which she will change
only on the day of her wedding.
Coffee mornings are a more formal networking
south asia 531occasion, again for women belonging to the upper
or more elite echelons of society. Women do not
“drop in” on these occasions, rather, they must be
invited by the hostess. The occasion serves as an
excuse for high society women to dress up and
arrive in their silk shalwar kameezes or latest
imported Western fashions. Topics for discussion
may be the errant behavior of a husband, or the ill-
ness of a mother or grandmother, or laments about
the disrespectful behavior of servants, or the latest
scandal involving a corrupt politician, or even the
extra-marital affair of a friend or acquaintance.
Women launching into some business venture, par-
ticularly involving the fashion industry, dressmak-
ing, and so forth, may use a coffee morning to
showcase some of their merchandise or at the very
least advertise their new business. Women involved
in social work or other welfare schemes will also
use these occasions to discuss upcoming charity
functions, and the like, and round up volunteers to
help out with these functions, or with collecting
donations from their rich husbands or other rela-
tives and friends.
Milads are other social gatherings that have been
taking place amongst SunnìMuslim women in
Pakistan since its formation in 1947, and which, of
late, have regained their popularity as religious zeal
has intensified among the previously more secular
upper classes, although women of all social classes
have always regularly held these functions at their
homes. A miladis essentially a prayer-meeting, in
the form of a party. These all-female events are held
year-round, and a woman will hold a miladparty if
she has a particular favor to ask of God (known as
a manat) – in return for the granting of which favor
she will promise to donate food or money to the
poor. Sometimes a miladis simply a thanksgiving
party, and women gather to sing hymns dedicated
to the Prophet Mu™ammad (pbuh), asking for his
spirit to bless the home of the hostess and the invi-
tees as well. The bulk of the event consists of
women reading the Qur±àn collectively, and then,
when all 30 sections have been read, dates are
passed around, hymns are sung, and the gathering
then indulges in rich and tasty foods and desserts
and tea or soft drinks, before the party breaks up.
These gatherings tend to last several hours and can
be either morning or afternoon affairs.
While milads have been common forms of net-
working for women of the lower middle classes and
the urban elite, they have become much more insti-
tutionalized and popular over the past decade, taking
place in the homes of the very wealthy and privi-
leged women as well. They now often take the form