from work that satisfies you is an act of defiance. It defies both so-
cietal and parental conditioning.Fear of failure
How am I going to accomplish what I really want? A purpose is not
about accomplishment at all. Goals flow from purpose. Goals relate
to accomplishment. Purpose relates to expression.Fear of loss
To the extent that a person’s unconsciously chosen purpose in-
cludes using behaviors or avoiding certain behaviors in order to
receive approval or to avoid disapproval from others, then the
prospect of changing to behavior that is self-determined may ap-
pear to create a risk of losing approval from the outside. Con-
sider for a moment the value of outside approval conditional on
conformity. Isn’t this very much like how your parents endeav-
ored to control you? Do you prefer to make decisions on your
own authority or to allow yourself to be governed by what others
may think?Preconditioned, unconscious notions of right and wrong
Perhaps you learned from your parents that it is not OK to want
money. If you were punished or disapproved of when you asked
for things as a child, as an adult you may tend to avoid experienc-
ing your desire for increased income. Opportunities that could
result in greater income may make you uncomfortable, usually
with feelings of guilt. You may even have an unconscious strat-
egy for avoiding such opportunities in order to feel relief from
the guilt.
You can use a clearly defined purpose for your life as the yard-
stick to evaluate whether any desire is harmonious with the full ex-
pression of that purpose. If your purpose benefits yourself and
others, then it is prudent to conclude that your desire for money is
right. Recognize any uncomfortable feelings as simply residue from
your unconsciously adopted purpose from childhood. Regarding
money, whatever your purpose is, you’ll express it more fully with
money than without. Is part of your purpose to help people? To be
a philanthropist? You’ll accomplish much more with money than
without it, and you’ll be happier in the process. In fact, everything
you do with money expresses your purpose, whether the purpose is
consciously designed or unconsciously adopted.96 Your Recovery from a Good Upbringing