tween couples. He is angry with her and says, “You said you would
make dinner and now I am left to do it.” Now she is angry because
of his criticism, so to justify her anger, she says, “I am sick and tired
of you nagging me after I have to deal with those kids all day long.”
Now he is angrier than before, because she doesn’t seem to be lis-
tening, so he focuses on additional complaints he has about her.
And back and forth they go. What is really happening here? The
anger is not OK with either of them, so each strives to justify his or
her own anger by expressing, but not really saying, “My anger is jus-
tified and yours is not” or “My reasons for feeling angry are really
important and yours are trivial.” Not accepting your anger can ruin
an otherwise excellent relationship very quickly. Instead, take a
breath and let your anger be OK. It doesn’t mean anything about
you. Letting it be OK empowers you to use the passion that is pre-
sent to get what you want instead of wasting it seeking justification
for the feelings you condemn yourself for. Just as anger that you
have not accepted is determination contaminated by helplessness,
anger is also intense determination in disguise. Letting it be OK for
you to feel anger strips it of its disguise.Things to Remember about Feelings
Uncomfortable feelings don’t mean anything about you. Instead
it’s you who gives meaning to your feelings. Uncomfortable feelings
no longer need to be a reason to avoid something that would other-
wise benefit you. You are not alone. Everyone has weird feelings. If
you don’t notice the weird feelings of others, they probably don’t
notice yours.
Feelings are an extremely poor basis for decision making, be-
cause they are temporary and irrational. Your best decisions will be
those based on the choice that most supports your true purpose.
Feelings are energy. Suppressing them wears you out and causes
stress. Expressing them constantly will drive people away. Accepting
them as they are is far and away the superior response, not only for
your productivity and effectiveness, but for your well-being, too.The End of Procrastination
Does time seem to slip away with your accomplishing less than
you’d like? Do you find yourself procrastinating on tasks that turn
out to be far easier than you had made them in your mind?126 Stop Wasting Your Energy