is OK for me to _______________” or “It is OK for me to think that
_______________” are appropriate affirmations for dealing with
any response.Dealing with Perfectionism
A healthy acceptance of your shortcomings removes the denial that
makes problems impossible to solve.
Too many people tell themselves (and others) that they have
low self-esteem. So-called low self-esteem is a trap. The term “low
self-esteem” offers no solution; it merely describes a seemingly per-
manent condition. The existence of this condition sometimes
trumps all attempts to improve. It goes like this: “You see, my prob-
lem is I have low self-esteem. I know I should get out and meet peo-
ple, but I have low self-esteem. I know I would benefit from
exercise, but I have low self-esteem.” And so forth.
No one benefits from calling it low self-esteem. We prefer to
call the condition “unwarranted perfectionism.” In other words,
the problem is not so much your bad opinion of yourself, but
rather your unreasonably high expectation of how good you think
you must be to be acceptable. Lower your standards of acceptabil-
ity a little. Probably there are people less acceptable than you who
are OK.Religion
Examine your religious beliefs to determine whether any hold
you back. In particular, examine whether any beliefs place un-
warranted limits on your wealth, happiness, and self-expression.
No matter your religion, there are probably wealthy members of
your church.
Most books about personal success, business, and psychology do
not discuss religious beliefs, perhaps because of the volatility and
passion surrounding this subject. Volatility and passion are precisely
the reasons why we address religion.
In our consulting work, we have discovered that the detrimental
impact of self-defeating religious beliefs is, for some people, more
profound than childhood conditioning from parents. Violation of
childhood rules may have resulted in your being sent to bed with-
out supper or a spanking or worse, but surely no punishment was so
severe as eternal damnation. Most childhood conditioning teaches
that the approval of the people you associate with is something that170 Mental Flexibility for Peak Performance