event. Make sure you are not seeing the event through your own eyes.
What did you notice? Where are the feelings now? Did you notice the bad
feelings disappear? At this point you should not have any feelings about
the situation. It should feel neutral.Do you understand how this method can be useful in your suc-
cess? Do you see how you can use it to improve your behaviors?
Position #2 is a useful way to check whether your behavior in a
particular situation was effective. If you find that your behavior was
not what you wanted, you now have the opportunity to correct it.
When you get good at using this method, you will be able to change
your behavior instantly and make the necessary adjustments to
achieve success. How could you use this in your daily life?Perceptual Position #3: Other Person
In perceptual position #3, you are experiencing the event through
the other person’s eyes. When doing so, you gain the other person’s
perspective looking back at you. It’s the same as walking in the
other person’s shoes. This method is also particularly useful be-
cause you can feel what the other person felt looking at you and lis-
tening to what you said and how you said it. It is also useful in
changing your own behavior toward others after experiencing your
own behavior from their perspective.PERCEPTUALPOSITION#3 EXERCISE
Now let’s look at the same event in the previous exercise. Take
the same event where you argued with someone else. Make sure
that you are associated and seeing it through your own eyes.
Play through the argument for one minute. Now rewind the argument to
where it started and take position #3. Float out of your body and into the
other person’s body. Look at yourself through his or her eyes looking back
at you. Now start the argument again and see what you notice. Was your
behavior effective? Would you change your behavior if you could do it all
over again? Did you get any insights into how the other person felt?This unique perspective is useful when we deal with others. I
(AF) use it to good effect to check my own behavior and to become
aware of what the other person may be feeling when I don’t get the
response I expected. This has been extremely useful in sales and
negotiations. Next time you have an argument with someone and
you are not getting the results you desire, take position #3. See your196 Secrets of Compelling Communication