realize that you had more choices? By taking these two perspec-
tives into consideration, you can turn a potentially ugly event into
a positive productive experience.
Mohandas Gandhi, the great Indian nationalist leader, used this
method all the time. Before meetings or negotiations with the
British, he placed himself in all three perceptual positions. First, he
looked at the situation through his own eyes to make sure he knew
what he wanted to accomplish and say. Next, he took position #3
and saw the situation through the other person’s eyes. He would
think like the person he was going to meet. He asked himself: If I
were this person, what would I want? How would I feel if this were
presented to me? How would I react? Once he understood those
two perspectives, he looked at the bigger picture and took position
#2, the observer position. Taking the observer’s view gave Gandhi
the ability to create a win-win solution.
Gandhi was so good at this process that he was able to do it even
during conflicts. He could see perspectives and change his behav-
iors and strategy to gain a winning outcome. He moved an entire
nation to defeat the British empire without violence. Now, that’s
personal power!
Remember these four key points when using perceptual
positions:- To enhance positive experiences even more, take posi-
tion #1 and be associated. You want to keep the positive
emotions. - To neutralize or remove negative emotions from an experi-
ence, use position #2 as a dissociated observer. You want to
be dissociated from your negative experiences and remove
the emotions. Doing this allows you to learn from all your
experiences. Because people tend to suppress recall of the
emotions associated with intensely negative emotional expe-
riences, it is difficult to learn from them. Position #2 facili-
tates learning you may have missed due to the emotional
intensity of the event. - To enhance any relationship in ways you probably have not
imagined, use perceptual position #3 and put yourself in the
other person’s shoes. - In some situations you do not want to dissociate from a nega-
tive emotion. Fear serves you in dangerous situations, so you
react to protect yourself.
198 Secrets of Compelling Communication