about. Remember, your parents did the best they could with the in-
formation they had.
Besides, the actual events of your childhood are far less impor-
tant than what you concluded from them. The events are over, but
the conclusions remain if you haven’t changed them. This fact is
why some people from traumatic childhoods do well financially
while others from loving and supportive backgrounds struggle on
and on with money. Consider, also, that if you believe the events
from your childhood matter more than your conclusions, you are
giving your power away to something you cannot change. You can
use the methods in this book to change your conclusions, but no
one can change the content of the past.
When we mention parents, most people think of those people
they grew up with, who now live in Miami, Phoenix, Poughkeep-
sie, or in the graveyard, Heaven, or Hell, if they have passed away.
Those folks are only one of three sets of parents we all have.
We have:- The people we grew up with.
- The parents who live in our minds—the committee in our
head that evaluates, criticizes, and comments, without invita-
tion, on thoughts, feelings, and behavior. - Your true set of parents: life itself. The parents you grew up
with are the manifestations of life itself you used to get here.
Thus, we are all manifestations in the unbroken stream of life
that began at the Big Bang or at a religious creation.
A Word of Caution
Solutions are much more important than problems. What your
mind focuses on inevitably increases. Focus on the problem only
enough to get through the denial and to formulate an effective so-
lution. The problem is always more complex and more familiar
than the solution (often the problem is more dramatic), so you may
tend to become stuck on the problem. Some people spend a long
time in therapy that results in a deep understanding of the causesof
their problems. We believe causes are far less important than solu-
tions. You’re special; your problems are not.
It’s no one’s fault. If you want to blame your parents, then you
have to blame their parents and their parents before them. Pretty
soon you are blaming everyone back to the beginning of time. Any-
one can see this makes no sense.78 Your Recovery from a Good Upbringing