“You’d think that, wouldn’t you?” I said. “But look at the results it’s gotten you so far.
You meet a girl, you like her, you hang out with her, call her up on the phone, go out and
do things together – date her without actually having to date her – and then when you
want to get romantic she becomes uncomfortable. Why?”
“I don’t know...” said Eric.
“I’ll tell you why,” I said. “Because by becoming friends with the woman before you try
to date her, you’ve removed the possibility of romance.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense,” said Eric. “If they like me enough to be my friend,
why wouldn’t they like me enough to be my girlfriend?”
“Look at it from their perspective,” I said. “They meet a guy, he’s a cool guy, they like
him. They enjoy his company. He’s sweet, and innocent, but doesn’t display any signs
that he’s interested in her beyond friendship. So they accepts him as a friend. They do
things with him they do with other friends of theirs. They settle into a pattern. Then this
guy asks them out on a date, and they get confused. They got used to being friends, and
the idea of moving it into a new arrangement makes them uncomfortable. They prefers
things the way they are, so they give him the ‘lets just be friends’ speech.”
“But I know lots of guys who were friends with their girlfriends before they started
dating,” said Eric. “If what you’re saying is true, why does it work out for them?”
“Because I’d venture to guess that though there was friendship there, there was also
attraction,” I said. “See, having a bit of sexual tension in a relationship is key. You can
build attraction around sexual tension, and friendships can stem from that mutual
attraction.
BUT, what most guys do when they like a girl is try to fly under her radar, so as not to
get rejected. So they approach her from the framework of just wanting to be her friend.
They knock sex completely out of the equation because they think that having that
present will scare off the girl before they have their chance to make their move. But
instead it has the complete opposite effect.”
Eric stared at me, nodding slowly. I could tell he was following along, even if he wasn’t
sure about what he was hearing. I decided to make things a bit more clear for him.
“See, most guys who are good with women don’t bother to hide their intentions. Girls
know what they want right away, and they’ll either let them know if they’re interested, or
if they’re wasting their time.
But then you have guys who disguise their intentions. They try to deceive the girl into
thinking he’s something he’s really not – a guy who just wants to be her friend, someone
who’s not interested in her sexually. They think they’re being slick when they do this
because they are bypassing that initial phase where the girl will be able to reject them.
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