The Pleaser tires from doing too much for others and not enough for himself. He is
insecure about himself and his abilities, and seeks the approval of others to fulfill his
needs for validation. He feels weak and dependent, alone and unappreciated. He longs
for someone stronger than himself to come along and tell him what to do. He’s upset at
his lack of strength.
The Whiner complains, resents, and despairs. He feels sorry for himself because he
feels “unfairly treated” and there is “nothing he can do about it.” The Whiner is always
the victim, never taking responsibility for his actions and therefore never learning from
his failures. He’s afraid of success, since he has grown accustomed to whining about
what goes wrong. The whiner attracts as much pain and suffering as he can to himself in
order make his complaints “real” and “valid,” despite the fact that it’s not in his own best
interest. He feels angry and jealous, always seeing what he doesn’t have and not
focusing on what he does.
The Procrastinator prefers to work on all those trivial tasks – tidying his desk, cleaning
the kitchen, staring at the TV, or sleeping – rather than facing an important responsibility
that might not turn out well. They’re complacent and scared, afraid to go past that which
is familiar and risk failure for the sake of success. They prefer to be lazy than work hard,
and therefore see opportunity after opportunity pass them by. They give into their fears,
hoping they will pass, as opposed to facing what they’re afraid of. But procrastinating
never works out the way one hopes. Before you know it, it’s too late, and you have
missed an opportunity, and now have to deal with the consequences of your inaction.
The Avoider somehow refuses to dial the phone to make the call he ought to make or to
make other social contacts that might expose him to criticism. He always imagines the
worst happening, and doesn’t want to face the possibility that something could go
wrong. He plays things “safe,” and works himself up into a ball of anxiety before
anything bad could possibly happen. He’s a defeatist of the worst kind, thinking that he
knows things are going to turn out for the worst.
All five of these actions actively destroy confidence. They re-enforce every negative
thought and feeling you have and negate every positive one you can experience. They
are habit forming, and if your thoughts and feelings are going to change, these habits
must be broken.
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